


Tin Men

by Ayrith



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Axel Is Lea (Kingdom Hearts), F/M, Final Fantasy character cameos, Friendship, Growing Up is Hard, Kingdom Hearts III Spoilers, Not KH3-DLC compliant, POV Kairi (Kingdom Hearts), Past and Present Timelines, Pining, Romance, Sexual Tension, Time Skips, Time Travel, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-31
Updated: 2020-06-23
Packaged: 2020-10-03 21:41:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 25,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20459906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ayrith/pseuds/Ayrith
Summary: “Hey now, Princess,” he says, as if years of near complete radio silence had never happened at all. “I distinctly remember telling you to call me Axel.”Or: years after the end, Kairi is still struggling to move on. But some people refuse to stay gone.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The shortage of Axel/Kairi fic is a personal tragedy for me. I wrote this both to satisfy my need to read some and for a change of pace from my other fic. Planned length will be four chapters.
> 
> Spoilers for Kingdom Hearts 3.

**THEN**

By unspoken agreement, it was never mentioned _where_ exactly the two newest members of the light would train to become keyblade wielders. Given the risks, the king and Riku would worry unnecessarily. Sora would…try to do something reckless.

But on the last day before she was to head to Radiant Garden, Kairi found herself unexpectedly summoned to Yen Sid's tower, alone.

Yen Sid was not sitting at his desk as usual when she entered his study. Instead, he stood in front of one of the large windows. His voluminous magician robe was draped over a near by chair, and his magician hat he held folded over gently in one of has veined hands. Seeing him out of his usual uniform made Kairi stop on the threshold, afraid she had imposed.

She had not, apparently. He spoke up without looking away from the dark space out his window, "Kairi. Welcome. Apologies for interrupting your preparations on such short notice."

Kairi nervously tucked hair behind her ear, then stepped inside and closed the door behind her. At the click of the lock Yen Sid finally glanced her way, and despite his always rather intimidating expression, he seemed more contemplative then anything else. She breathed a little, forcing her shoulders to relax.

"Hello Master," she said. Then, "Is this about… Sora?"

In the reflection of the glass, she saw the slightest upturn of his mouth. "In a manner of speaking," he said evenly. "Although not everything that concerns you always has to concern Sora as well."

Well. Kairi blinked. That was…kind of him to say. Perhaps it wasn't said enough, given how much that statement coming from him surprised her. "Of course not. Thank you." Then, "What is it you would like to speak to me about, Master?"

Yen Sid examined his hat, turning it over in his hands. "As you know, tomorrow is a turning point…"

Then he stopped, brow furrowing. For a moment, he seemed at a loss for words. Kairi waited patiently for him to continue.

When he next looked at her though, eyes piercing, she felt a twinge of dread in her gut.

"Once things are set in motion, they cannot be undone. I know we have talked at length about this being the best course of action but…it is not the _only_ way forward. It is possible there are other ways."

Kairi shifted a little. She could see where he was going with this. "Yes."

"I wanted to…" Again he paused, searching for the right words in the stars. "…wanted to make sure you understood your options." A pause. "I understand that if you walk down this road, we are asking you to…place a lot of faith in us."

Or rather, in a particular person. A person who she frankly didn't trust at all.

She thought about his words for a moment, running a thumb over the rough edge of one of her bracelets. It was a tempting thought. A nice thought, even. But…"If you are asking if I want to back out of this….It's okay." She said finally. "I know what I'm getting myself into."

His eyes peered straight into her. Perhaps he saw more deeply that she really wanted him to, because his forehead creased, just a little. But then he nodded.

"It is your choice," he said.

_Choice_, she thought sourly.

"It is," she said, and the moment might as well have been the equivalent of signing her name on the dotted line. In her mind, something shifted, locked down. There was no going back. Yen Sid seemed to sense it too.

There wasn't much left to say, after that.

_So this is it_, she thought to herself, as they exchanged goodbyes and she walked to the door. _Tomorrow it is then. _

It wasn't until she had her hand on the door knob that she realized she did, in fact, have a question of her own.

"Did you ask _him_, too?" she found herself saying, glancing over her shoulder. "What did he say?"

Yen Sid had returned to the window, but at her words he turned to her, his eyebrows raised to his hairline.

Finally, he said, "I didn't need to. His mind is already made up."

Her hand on the door knob tightened.

Eventually, she said, "Thank you for asking. It does make me feel better to think of this as a choice I am making and not one that is being made for me."

And then she walked out, closing the door with a soft click behind her.

* * *

**NOW**

"…Kairi?" Selphie was speaking to her.

Kairi tore her gaze from the computer screen and blinked up at her co-worker, adjusting the glasses perched on her nose. "…Sorry, what?"

Selphie rolled her eyes, though a smile tugged at her lips. "Are you coming? It's already seven-thirty. We were going to get drinks."

The office was empty, save for them. Over Selphie's shoulder, Kairi could see the new office temp standing a little awkwardly, winding a finger around her long dark hair. When their eyes met, the girl gave a nervous wave and smile…and for the life of her, Kairi could_ not_ remember her name. Her ears burned under her hair—thank god she had worn it down—as she smiled back.

"Sorry, girls," Kairi said, turning back to Selphie who was giving her an expectant look. "I have some work back logged. Maybe next time."

"Uh huh." Selphie looked disappointed, but not surprised. "That's what you said last time too." Kairi tried not to hunch over more, ears reddening.

"Honest, Selphie. We've got that board meeting tomorrow and—"

Selphie waved her off. "I know. No worries. But you owe us a coffee this week, then." The wink her friend gave her lessened the blow a bit.

The new girl flushed horribly though. "Oh no—please, Kairi doesn't owe us anything—" but it was too late, as Selphie was already sweeping over to the poor girl, throwing a friendly arm over her shoulder and steering her to the doors.

"No getting out of it, Kai!" Selphie called over her shoulder, and then the door swung shut and Kairi was alone.

As if to herald Selphie's departure, the office light timer chose that moment to switch off, casting Kairi and her computer screen in darkness. Kairi blinked, pulling her glasses off her face, and then looked to the window. City lights flickered beyond the partially drawn shades. She'd have to walk back in the dark.

"I hate winter," Kairi muttered, turning back to her computer screen and jamming her glasses on her nose. Fifteen minutes of high speed key clacking and then with a jab of her index finger, she sent off the last of the reports with a small sigh.

As Kairi gathered her things, shrugging into her warm coat and wrapping a thick red scarf around her neck, she contemplated doing the surprising thing and going after the girls. Selphie had dragged her to her favorite bar enough times that she knew where it was.

Kairi sighed, slipped her bag over her shoulder, and headed towards the opposite stairs.

Two over crowded trains, a quick change of clothes, and a bus ride later, Kairi was walking out of the lockers of the _Seventh Heaven _onto the gym floor, sliding a pair of ratty gloves over her hands.

The week days regulars were already there. A tall blonde man with a tribal tattoo on his face was doing pull-ups on the weight sets. A dark skinned man with a grizzled beard and arms like tree trunks was bench pressing in the corner. A pale pink haired woman jogged steady on the treadmill and gave Kairi a nod as she passed by. Female solidarity and all—Kairi smiled as she moved past.

Her kick boxing instructor was out of town but that didn't mean Kairi was going to skip her regular routine. She warmed herself with stretches and body exercises, spent an hour beating a punching bag, and then ran on the treadmill until her head was filled with white and her heart was in her throat.

By ten o'clock, she was the last one out, a towel slung over her shoulder as she declined the owner's regular offer to walk her to the bus station. She waved and watched the gym bars slide over the entrance, the neon sign above winking out. And then it was just her on the street under a sea of sparkling city lights on a dark, starlit night.

She stood on the stoop breathing warmth on to her cold fingers and watching the few passer by. There was a couple sitting on the step of a empty store, laughing quietly to each other. A business man, tie loose, stumbling down the opposite direction. A group of girls, dressed in shiny gowns and red lipstick, headed to the bar district.

She thought about Selphie and hoped she was enjoying herself with their new co-worker. Selphie was always the first to drag the newcomers to drinks and make them feel welcome. What had the girls name been….Rina? Rona? Kairi chewed her lip, then glanced at her watch and hopped down the few steps to the ground. Her bus was scheduled to arrive in ten minutes. Pulling her hoodie over her cold ears, she hoisted her gym bag a little higher on her shoulder and turned towards the direction of her bus stop.

At first, she didn't realize anything was wrong. There was a buzz, then a hum that washed over her, making her skin prickle oddly. The street lights flickered overhead. She would have kept walking if not for the sound of glass shattering behind her. A scream.

Kairi whirled around.

The scream had come from the couple. The girl was clutching her mouth behind her hands, the guy having leapt to his feet in front of her. They were staring across the street at the drunken business man—who was now floating in mid air, suspended as if by a thread from the chest. Even from here Kairi could see his mouth hung open and white opaque eyes staring up into the darkness. Something red and vaguely crystalline was rising out of his chest.

But that wasn't what actually sent internal klaxons blaring in Kairi's head or made her heart nearly burst out of her chest. It was the yellow slitted eyes peering from a massive black shadow behind the body, almost completely filling up the small street. And they were staring directly at her.

She hadn't seen a Heartless in _years_.

Kairi flung out her hand on instinct, grasping at air. The motion felt so natural that for a moment she blinked, looking down to see— but no, nothing had appeared in her hand. She clenched her fist and looked up in time to see the Heartless pluck the crystalline heart of the man from the air and slip it into its sharp toothed mouth like a candy, a black tongue curling around it.

The man jerked and then crumpled into dust before their eyes, causing the flock of girls behind her to scatter and the girl across the street to let out another shriek. Too late, those yellow, hungry eyes were turning to the new sound and Kairi _had to do something. _

_"Run!_" She screamed at the couple, who were staring in frozen horror at the monster bearing down on them. "Don't look at it's—" she cut off as the creature raised a large, inky clawed hand into the air, blotting out the night sky and—_shit_—she dropped her bag, running forward, hand outstretched with yellow sparks sputtering on her palms—

A piercing whistle sounded from above. Kairi immediately skidded on her heels, coming to a halt. The shadow creature stopped too, cocking its head in confusion. As one they turned their heads up to the sky.

Kairi's mouth went dry. There was… there was a ring of fire in the sky, bright flames of red dancing in the air. In the shape of a _pinwheel_.

Kairi had a split second to decide if she was going insane. Cursing, she fell to her knees instead and slammed her hands on the ground, faint yellow turning to a pale blue glow that lit up her fingertips.

For a moment, nothing happened—panic sunk into the pit of her gut—but then she felt a painful twitch in her chest like a pulled muscle and something cold lurched forward through her veins. It spilled out from her fingertips onto the ground in front of her in pale blue ice—or at least part of it was ice. Spots of white soft snow unevenly dotted the surface and cold water gushed into pools along the edges, eating away at the hard-packed ice. It was a struggle. She was _so_ out of practice.

Unfortunately there was not time to fine tune. Ignoring the spreading stitch in her side, Kairi poured more cold into the ground. Faster than it could melt, a lumpy ice wall surged forward, skating jaggedly across the uneven pavement and then tracing a lopsided circle around the Heartless.

The Heartless blinked as the wall around it began to rise above its head, turned its yellow eyes to her that gleamed even through the ice, crooning. It raised a hand, hitting the ice wall with such force that Kairi shuddered and a thousand cracks blossomed on the ice's surface, moments away from falling to pieces. But—Kairi strained, teeth gritting as more ice sheathed quicker over the cracks—almost there!—

The ice wall crested over the top of the creature's head and—

The street lights flared. So bright that someone on the street screamed. And then they winked out. The street plunged into darkness except for the bright red pinwheel above, which spun faster and faster, burning brighter and hotter. And then, just as the creature started screaming and the cold started sputtering like a tap run dry, the pinwheel exploded forward like from a slingshot, a blue white fire ball the size of a comet descending with incredible speed.

It hit the center of her ice ring like a fire cracker and then…exploded. A high-pitched scream pierced Kairi's ear drums as the fire rapidly cooled and then burst outward in a shower of water and ash. Darkness splattered outward too, acidic and wet. Kairi barely managed to keep from blowing away from the force of the blast, throwing herself on the ground and covering her arms over her face.

Out of the gaps between her arms, she saw a flash of pulsing red light. A heart rising into the sky. Then silence.

For a moment, Kairi could hear nothing but a ringing in her ears and the gasping of her lungs. Then—

"Would you look at that," came a voice from over the hiss and gurgle of the Heartless's remains. "Looks like you still got it memorized."

Kairi jerked up, squinting into the darkness. Her heart skipped….then started racing faster than it had before.

There was a man crouched in the center of the remains of the heartless, silhouetted by the moonlight. A man that, like the monster, could have stepped right out of her dreams. She hadn't seen him in so long that she wasn't sure that he hadn't.

"Lea," she whispered, almost afraid if she spoke to loudly he would dissipate like the smoke rising around him.

He stood up slowly and she watched as he just rose and rose and rose for what felt like ever. When he finally looked down at her, piercing green eyes and shocking red hair, she swallowed around a dry mouth. She'd almost forgotten how _tall_ he was.

"Hey now, Princess," he said, mouth twisting up as he walked towards her. When he leaned down, holding out a black gloved hand to her, it was like _years_ of near complete radio silence had never happened at all. "I distinctly remember telling you to call me Axel."

* * *

**THEN**

His name was Lea. But all she could see was Axel.

"You ready, Princess?" he said. Flexing his fists, rolling his shoulders, cracking his neck—little restless movements that felt like sleight of hand tricks, distractions.

She didn't respond, glancing over at Merlin who hovered a few feet away and was shooting the man a disapproving stare.

"Take your time, Kairi," the old wizard said as he turned to her, giving her a calm smile. She saw Axel's expression flicker with impatience, but the redhead said nothing. Instead he gave Merlin a mocking wave of deference and leaned against a nearby wall, gloved fingers tapping against his coat sleeve.

Kairi stood alone in the middle of the room, all eyes on her.

Swallowing, she looked down at her feet, gathering her courage.

In the continued silence, the grandfather clock in the corner ticked. She could hear the quiet hum of faerie wings behind her, where the good sisters fluttered nervously. Axel's fingers were tapping an unpredictable rhythm. To Kairi, that sound seemed to grow louder—louder then the clock, then the wings. Louder than her own heartbeat.

"_Hey_."

Kairi's eyes flew to him. Axel leveraged away from the wall, green eyes piercing against the shadows. A languid hand reached towards her, and for a moment she was confused until his keyblade materialized abruptly between them in a rush of wind and flame, pointing right at her.

Kairi resisted the urge to flinch back as the blade brushed against the hem of her shirt, dragged up, up, then stopped. A metal edge, so like a curl of flame, digging into her breastbone. Sharp but not cutting. A firm warning that time waited for no one.

"If you can't do it," Axel said softly. "I can do it for you."

Merlin twitched. The good fairies gasped quietly behind their hands. But no one moved. No one said a word. If it wasn't her it would _have_ to be him.

Kairi dragged her gaze from his Keyblade to look at his face.

His stark green eyes looked at her—saw _through_ her. They could have been passing strangers bumping into each other on the street. This exchange was little more than a tap of the shoulder, a _sorry about that_, as he continued on his way. He had that self-deprecating smile of his that didn't reach his eyes and his fingers were still tapping a mindless rhythm against his leg.

She didn't lift her own weapon. Instead she gripped the hard edge of his. The red metal, despite appearing like writhing flames, was as cold as ice against her palm. She watched him blink, his tapping fingers stilling. And then she waited patiently until he finally looked at her—looked at her properly.

"_Axel_," she said, saw him tense at the name he insisted was no longer his. Her words solidified in her anger. "I told you that I would see this through and I will. But it's hard." She pushed his blade sharply down and away from her. "Can't you even try to understand?"

The look on his face changed. A stillness overcame him, so at odds with his previous restlessness, as his focus narrowed in on her laser-like and made her skin prickle with gooseflesh.

They stared each other down. There was something going on behind those bright green eyes of his…but Kairi just couldn't see what. Just another thing she didn't understand about him and had no time to.

All of Kairi's previous hesitancy evaporated. It was now or never.

She looked at Merlin, ignoring the way he glanced between the two of them, frowning. "Merlin. Please tell Sora and Riku that I…" she swallowed. "That I'll see them soon."

Then, without waiting for further comment, Kairi materialized her own keyblade in a shower of blood red petals, flipped it towards herself and—

* * *

**NOW**

The moment was broken by the sounds of the city filtering back in.

One by one, the street lights flickered back on. A low hum she hadn't realized had been there to begin with was dissipating rapidly. The black mess where the heartless had stood was shrinking, sinking into the earth. No scorch marks, no ice. Soon enough, the street would look the same as it always had, save for looking a little more rough than usual.

A cough on the other side of the street caught her attention. The young man from before was pulling himself from under a toppled trash can. The girl was picking herself up from the gutter. Kairi felt an immediate sense of relief that they were alive, if a little battered. Automatically she looked at Lea to share the feeling, only to stop short at the realization that _he was actually here_. In her world. Her gut twisted sharply, the bottom dropping out as she finally got a good look at him.

He looked like he hadn't changed at all. His red hair was ridiculously bright even in the dim street light, perhaps flatter on top and a little longer down his back. Green eyes gazed down at her in amusement. He was still wearing that awful leather trench coat he could never let go of and he was still holding his hand out to her with a wry twist of his mouth. Patiently waiting for her to mentally catch up.

The Lea she had known in the past had always been patient. The Axel, not so much…although she could admit she hadn't always seen him at his best.

Kairi swallowed. All of this was besides the point. He was here…and he was acting so _very normal_. It was probably better to go with the flow then let him realize exactly how much she felt shaken to her very bone marrow. It felt too…personal to admit that.

"And I," Kairi said roughly, clearing her throat as she took his proffered hand, "distinctly remember telling _you_ that I'm not a Princess."

His hand was so large around hers, his fingers long as they gently wrapped around her wrist. She realized her own hands were slightly blue and shivering—she'd overdone it with the ice—but even through his thick gloves she could feel the radiating heat of him where he touched her skin. The moment she was on her feet she slipped her hand from his quickly, brushing debris off her hoodie.

Axel gave her a curious look, then shrugged. From his pocket he pulled out a cigarette, which he put to his lips. "You always will be to me."

She twitched. He didn't notice between lightning up his cigarette with a pinch of flame—At least she hoped he didn't. Kairi forced her shoulders to relax as Axel took a deep breath, smoke curling from the corner of his mouth. The heady, familiar smell of nicotine filled her nose, so odd on him— she didn't know he'd started smoking.

Her eyes flitted back to the couple, only to see their backs as they hurried down the street, the girl casting fearful glances back at the two of them. That would normally have alarmed her, except Axel for his part didn't seem too worried. Kairi's eyes narrowed.

Now that she thought about it, even though the street was lined with mostly empty shops, she was surprised that no one had come out after that scream… and especially after that explosion. She was pretty sure that at least the owner of the _Seventh Heaven_, Vincent, would have come out by now if he'd heard.

Perhaps…Axel had done something? Kairi thew him a suspicious look only to find the man in question was watching her intently.

The intensity of his eyes was distracting. It made her notice the flecks of yellow swimming among the verdant green, which was mesmerizing at best and down right embarrassing at worst. And apparently Axel still had a habit of staring, even after all this time.

Kairi lifted her chin up stubbornly under his scrutiny, determined not to be the first one to crack. "What?"

He surprised her by grinning shamelessly. "You grew up, didn't you?"

Before she could process that non sequitur, he took a step forward, towering over her and forcing her to crane her neck up. A gloved hand lifted, the back of his fingers brushing against her jaw, and for a second she forgot to breathe.

"You look way older than I remember," he murmured, his eyes flickering over her features carefully. There was some confusion in his eyes, doubt, and…no small amount of wonder. Then he frowned. "Shit. I spent too much time away. Missed out watching you blossom into the beauty I always knew you'd be."

Kairi would have snapped at him that _of course_ she'd grown up if her mind wasn't totally flabbergasted at the words coming out of his mouth.

Her speechlessness didn't seem to deter his inspection. Those deep green eyes—so unlike Sora's or Riku's or any other important man in her life—darted over her face, then settled on her hair. "I'm liking the look." Gloved fingers gently tugged a strand of her long hair, which reached her mid-back these days.

The touch, as light and chaste as it was, made her shiver involuntarily. To her horror, he noticed, mouth quirking faintly. "You look very grown up," he finished lowly, hand dropping away as he pulled back to give her space.

Unfortunately, the damage was done; him unfurling to his full height again did _not_ help steady Kairi's heart at all. Her ears and neck were on fire. He made her feel like she was sixteen and hopeful and hopelessly awkward around men again. "_Axel_. Quit messing with me."

"I'm not," he said in all seriousness, and well. What was she supposed to say to that?

So she dropped it. "What are you even doing here?" she asked, clearing her throat.

Axel puffed on his cigarette. The amusement in his eyes made her turn away, scanning the ground for her gym bag. She spotted a pink strap peeking out from under a tipped over trash can and sighed, moving to retrieve it.

"I've been looking for certain heartless," he said as she wrenched the bag free, wrinkling her nose at the stains that now covered its surface. "That little guy you just met popped up while I was tracking his boss. I couldn't exactly let it run free, so I managed to track it here. Crafty little bastard," he added with a mutter.

Kairi paused. "Certain Heartless?" Why did that sound so familiar…

Axel scratched his head, putting the lit tip of the cigarette way too close to his hair for Kairi's comfort. "I've been looking for some of the heartless of the Organization XIII members that never came back. It's been a thing for awhile. I thought I'd mentioned it to you before."

Kairi stared at him. Then her skin grew cold. "Oh," she said, leaning down to pick up her towel, which had flown away during the brief fight and wrapped around a light pole. It was brown now and smelled awful. She stuffed it hurriedly into one of her bag pockets, still not looking at him.

A beat. She could feel his stare on the side of her face. "Sorry I had to involve you in that mess," he offered slowly.

"No problem," she whispered.

Another awkward silence descended, but this time Kairi found herself unwilling to bridge it. She had questions, sure. A million questions. _What was he doing here? How were the others? Were the heartless back? Had he been here long? Had he…thought about coming to see her?_ But doing so felt like it would open a door that she had told all of them she preferred to stay closed, and which they had respected so very diligently all this time.

To ask now would be hypocritical on her part. So the best thing to do was probably to leave this as a freak occurrence and to part ways. The business man who had his heart stolen would likely materialize in his bed in the morning since he hadn't done so yet. The couple would forget over the next few hours. Everything for the most part would be as it was before. Lea—Axel would go on his merry way and she would be fine.

She'd wake up tomorrow and life would be normal again. Today would only be a memory of a familiar face and a warm hand in hers that—for all it being real—could have just as easily been a dream.

Kairi bit her lip, nervously tucking hair behind her ear. Axel's eyes flicked down to her face, to her mouth, then to her hand. Whatever he saw there caused him to straighten from his perpetual slouch and sent a rush of anxiety through her gut. Better to rip the bandaid off quick and move on. It would be harder otherwise.

"Well," she blurted awkwardly when he made to say something. He stopped, and she threw a wild smile in the direction of his chest. "I'm really glad you are all right. Really, I am. And it was…it was great seeing you. I know you won't need the help, next time."

And then, because she had never claimed she wasn't a coward, Kairi hiked her bag on her shoulder, turned her back on Axel, and strode down the street at a fast clip, the sound of her steps echoing behind her.

She was almost to the end of the block when a black portal popped into existence beside her, making her jump. Then there he was, hands behind his head and walking at a casual stroll beside her as if she wasn't practically power walking to the bus stop. The cigarette was still dangling precariously from his mouth.

"So that's it, Princess?" He said, tone deceptively playful and making her tense, because _Axel_ was only playful when he was being difficult. And Axel—not Lea—called her _Princess_. "No tearful reunion? No question about how I've been or what I'm doing here?"

Her gaze turned flat. Did he _want_ her to make a fuss? That would be so like him.

"From that fireworks display back there, I can see you're doing just fine," she said cooly, eyes flicking to him. "And I assume you are only here because of the Heartless."

He hesitated, peering at her, and she didn't understand why until she realized how accusatory that had sounded. The word 'only' had been unnecessary. She felt the tips of her ears redden. "I'm glad I could help," she mumbled, looking at the ground in front of her.

In her peripheral, he cocked his head at her. "Me too. And thanks for that, by the way. Although I noticed uhh…" he coughed politely into his hand and her annoyance spiked right back up, "your ice wall was looking a little…crooked."

He was picking on her on purpose. In retaliation, she picked up her pace, the good it actually did her. Damn his long legs.

"It's been awhile," she said through gritted teeth. "So sue me if my magic is a little rusty. _You_ could have given me more of a heads up."

"You're right," he said grinning. "I'm not complaining. You were _great_." And it was damn scary how natural it felt to slide right back in to their old banter. There should have been _some_ difficulty, Kairi thought crossly.

"Not great," she corrected, because she'd always hated it when people disproportionally praised her abilities. He _knew_ that. "Awful. Horrendous. Dangerous. That could have gone really, really badly back there, you know."

"So practical," he tutted, tone light. "That's my favorite part about you."

His words were like a punch to the chest. Kairi stopped, winded. It took a second for him to notice she'd stopped, his long legs carrying him forward enough that when he finally did he had to turn around to look back at her, curious.

"What?" He said, as if was the most natural thing in the world to say what he'd just said and it was so _unfair._

"Axel," she said flatly. "What exactly are you doing?" There was a dangerous prickle at the back of her eye balls and it took effort to force it down.

At her tone, Axel turned fully to face her. His expression turned from careless to almost calculating. "…Catching up."

"_Now_?" She demanded.

A flash of frustration on his face. "Yes, now. I _missed_ you."

Another direct hit to her heart. 2 Axel, 0 Kairi. She tried not to wheeze as she spilled bitterly, "Well isn't that just nice." At the flash of hurt in his eyes, she grimaced. "Look. Of course I missed you too. But…this is a lot for me to process. You can't just waltz back into my life after you—" she stopped, blowing out a breath. _Left. _It felt too pathetic to say. "Give me a moment to adjust."

"A moment, huh?" And he was definitely annoyed now, although trying un-Axel-more-Lea like to suppress it. "Didn't seem like you wanted a moment," he said pointedly. "Seemed like you were trying to run off on me."

"I _was_," she replied bluntly. "Because I didn't want to make this _harder_. Axel, you've been gone for a long time. What were you expecting? That I just jump into your arms or something?"

"Would it have hurt?" He snapped. At her shocked look, he sighed. "All right, that wasn't fair. I promised you that I wouldn't be that person to hang you dry, and I went ahead and did. I've been a jack ass, I deserve every bit of anger you can throw at me. But I didn't _try_ to be gone for so long on purpose." He rubbed his forehead with a grimace, thinking. "You were always better at keeping track than me…it's been what, two years? Two and a half?"

Kairi stared at him in disbelief. Real anger and hurt began to boil over in her chest. _What_ did he just say? How cruel could he be too even say that to her face.

But as he continued to look at her frankly, it dawned on her that not even the worst of Axel would ever be so cruel. Not to her. And the anger dwindled, only to be replaced with an awful creeping dread.

She licked her lips. "Five."

He blinked. "What?"

"Five years," she said faintly, eyes flicking between his for some kind of recognition that he had known even a little. "It's been five years."

Axel stared at her blankly.

Then he pulled the cigarette from his mouth. "There is no way—" he started, then cut off as she continued to stare at him. Confusion, disbelief, anger flurried through those emerald eyes, so quick that she almost missed it. And then, because he knew she wasn't one to lie, she watched numbness creep up his body, stealing over his face. The cigarette dropped between loose fingers.

"_Five_?" He whispered finally.

"I see." Her voice was flat, for all the stinging behind her eyes. "So you didn't know then."

"You are kidding, right? I mean I knew I.." He ran a hand through his hair agitatedly. "…_Five_?"

She was remembering now, almost too late, the lessons that Merlin had taught her so long ago. Traveling between worlds was never without a price. Traveling a direct path between, as was done via gummy ship, only distorted time a little. But the longer the path, the more time stretched and distorted—and the corridors of darkness had always been the worst. Each passage through the depths compounded on itself, twisting and turning chaotically and without reason. Unless you kept very diligent track of when, where and how long, time could very literally get away from you.

Axel had never taken to gummy ships and besides, to chase the heartless, sometimes one had to chase them into the dark. He must have travelled so far from Destiny Islands that he'd passed out of her thread of time altogether.

A thought burst from her chest, righteous and furious: How come none of them—Riku, Mickey, Roxas— had ever _told_ her?

But immediately after the thought surfaced, Kairi took it back, swallowing it. It's not that they had never told her—more importantly, she had never asked. How were they to know what time was really like for her, fixed on one small planet, while they constantly danced and dipped between worlds? With every occasional visit from one of the keyblade wielders, she had felt in her bones a sense of growing disconnect. It’s just she had attributed that to the fact that when she’d given up the life of the keyblade altogether, her more normal life could not possibly compare to the fantastic one they lived each day.

What it came down to, in the end, was that she had forgotten. It had been easy to forget because she'd been _eager_ to forget. And it had been too easy to dismiss Lea's absence…Axel's absence…as her missing him more than he had her.

Axel looked down at her, stricken. "I'm sorry."

Kairi closed her eyes tiredly. Her voice was bleak. "You didn't know. I've told you to stop apologizing for that kind of thing, Lea."

He jabbed a hand at the sky. "_Five years _and you expect me not to?" And then with a grimace she didn't understand, "And _I've_ told you to call me Axel."

They stared at each other. Two adults standing on a darkened street, both trying to reconcile the person in front of them with the one they remembered. Like old times but at a new cross roads.

No matter how familiar, this was uncharted territory now.

"I don't know what to say," she said finally, feeling helpless.

Axel mechanically pulled another cigarette from his pocket. No flourish this time—just a hard look from him and the tip immediately engulfed in flame. The drag he took from it was so deep he grimaced, and it was a wonder he didn't cough out a lung.

After a moment, dark smoke curling from his mouth and nose, he said, "Me neither. I suppose it's wildly inappropriate now to ask if you have a couch an old friend could sleep on."


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As a note, this story only takes the events of the base game KH3 into account, excluding any future games/dlc. Still gotta get around to playing Re:Mind. :)

**THEN**

It was too similar to the last time she'd been here.

Darkness...the word only scratched the surface. A place that light had never touched, had never even known. Thick as the humid air on Destiny Islands — thicker. It wasn't that she couldn't see or hear or taste — those senses simply didn't exist. Only darkness filled the space, endless and indivisible.

A strong heart could withstand the dark—but not forever. She would never find her way out on her own…not without someone who knew the way.

Where was he?

Seconds ticked by. Or was it hours? She started to panic—until she realized that there was, in fact something different this time. Even though there was no physical sensation, she somehow felt it—a translucent golden string looped loosely around her wrist and extending far up into darkness.

When she gripped it with trembling fingers, she was filled with the smell of books, the taste of black tea, and the sound of Merlin humming a tune in her memory. The essence of his magic, bottled into sensation. But it was fading—fading fast. Desperate, she grasped the thread and kicked her feet, following the string, up, up, up.

One moment she was swimming in darkness. Next, she was no longer alone.

Her hand brushed into something. Immediately, she felt it reach for her—the sensation of a phantom hand gripping her elbow. This touch felt different—like a small flame lapping against her skin, a heat to push back the deep pervading cold. But unlike her, it—he—was far less substantial, like smoke flickering and fading save for the places where they connected...

Without warning, the gold light warbled, then popped out of existence. She felt the loss of it dragged from her and replaced with oppressive silence. And then...it was too similar to the last time she'd been here. The last time she'd _lost her heart_. Panic rose up in her chest as she pulled away—

_Kairi_. His hand, tight on her arm. _I am here._

It wasn't the words that pulled her back. It was the voice. He'd chased her into the dark once before, lies dripping honey sweet and deadly. But this time…this time he sounded in _pain_.

Heart in her throat, she reached back for him at the exact same time he pulled her forward.

They crashed together, a flurry of limbs and bruises and heat. If she had felt nothing before, she felt everything of him now. Each point of contact burst white hot through her senses, a sensation not unlike the kiss of water against a parched man's lips.

Her hands, banging on his shoulders. His arms, digging hard against her sides. Her nose, warm against the hollow of his throat. His breath, curling around the shell of her ear.

_Axel_, she thought anxiously, and the flame of him grew brighter in her arms. But so too did the darkness—no longer a calm space, but a churning sea whipped up by a violent storm, eager to tear apart her only remaining anchor. In response she felt his jaw against her forehead clench, the fingers of one of his hands lacing through hers, and even though she would have balked at the intimacy in the light, here she clung back.

_Princess_. She felt his cheek against her hair. There was fear in him too, but also relief. He felt much more solid now. _Don't let go_.

* * *

**NOW**

Her apartment complex was old. Brown stacco on the outside and a heavy metal fire escape that extended up one side of the building. Orange threadbare carpet lead the way to a staircase that had seen too many coats of paint. Every time she placed her hand on the rail small paint chips came away on her skin.

It was funny how she noticed these little things now, when she'd never noticed them before.

Four flights of steps later found Axel and Kairi standing awkwardly in a small hallway as she searched for her keys. Another thing she had never noticed—everything in the place was just slightly too cramped. Axel had to duck every door way they'd passed. Even just standing with her back to him now as she fished around in her gym bag (o_f course_ her keys would be somewhere at the bottom), she could feel the warmth that always radiated off of him, hear the creak of leather as he shifted, see his scuffed black boots in her periphery.

Within the span of a few minutes, two people passed by, forcing Axel to flatten against the wall to let them pass. The last one—a lady with a small dog tucked under one arm like a newspaper, glowered up at him and humphed as she squeezed by.

"Nice neighbors," he commented, possibly the first thing he'd said since the quiet bus ride back.

Kairi made a noise, flashing a look at the lady's back as she turned the corner. "Number fourteen," she whispered, glancing up at Axel as she slid her key in the door. "She doesn't like me. Sorry."

Axel raised a curious eyebrow, but then she swung open the heavy door with a rusty creak, revealing a dark hallway. She stepped in, toeing off her shoes. "Welcome," she said, pulling the chain on her hall lamp that washed everything in a low orange light. "Please ignore the mess."

Axel sized up the doorframe skeptically. "Short people," he muttered.

She grinned a little. "You're just freakishly tall." She took a minute to dump her gym bag in the hall closet—she'd throw the whole thing into the wash later—and glanced over her shoulder to see Axel duck into her apartment. The sight of his bright red hair next to her ancient dusty hall lamp and the black coat hanging on a chipped coat rack made her blink.

It'd been…awhile…since she'd had someone in her apartment. A guy.

Their eyes met and he paused. Maybe there was something on her face. "What?"

"Nothing." Kairi smiled, stuffing her nervous hands in her pockets. She turned shuffling down the hall. "Mind locking it, please?"

Behind her, the door creaked and then shut. As she hooked a right into her tiny kitchen, she heard the sound of the dead bolt sliding with a click, then the metal chain rattling.

By the time Axel popped his head into her kitchen, which was barely big enough to fit a small table and two plastic chairs, Kairi had shed her hoodie and was head deep in the fridge. Several food stuffs were already stacked on the counter beside her.

"I'm gonna eat," she said, surfacing to put three condiment bottles and a jar of pickles on the counter. She pulled her long hair up in a pony tail, loose strands of hair brushing against her face. She looked to find him staring. "Want anything?"

"Uh, I'm good," he said, watching her as she reached on tip toes to grab a loaf of bread off her small fridge. She shrugged, then gestured at him to take a seat, which he did by taking up half the kitchen with his long legs and nearly blocking access to the fridge. She paused, shooting him a glare as she plunked into the other seat beside him, but all he did was grin shamelessly at her.

"Quaint," he said, eyes flickering around the small room and lingering on the one ragged tea towel hanging off the stove and the ceramic red teapot half full of cold tea. "Cute."

Kairi snorted as she reached over to grab lettuce from the counter top. "Boring. At least that's what Selphie says."

He cocked his head at the name, and she was reminded that he wasn't Sora or Riku, who would know who she was talking about. "An old school friend," she added. "You'll probably meet her." If he ended up hanging around, that is.

Another awkward silence. They were having a lot of those. Kairi busied herself slathering condiment on her bread.

Finally, Axel hummed, crossing his legs at the ankles. "So," he said deceptively casually and putting Kairi immediately on edge. "How've you been?"

Kairi eyed him over a slice of lunch meat. "Fine. Nothing's much changed, I guess."

The snort he made annoyed her. "I highly doubt that."

"And how would you know?" She shot back, because she was not above being petty with him. "It's been years and you didn't even realize."

He propped his chin in his hand. "Not my fault," he said, peering at her with those piercing green eyes that were far too observant for his own good. Even sitting down, he made her feel small. "You always looked older than you actually were."

She frowned down at a piece of lettuce. "Looked, maybe. Pretended to be." What else was she supposed to have done, when every one else around her seemed to know what they were doing? "Fat lot of good that did me."

He shook his head slightly, lips curved at the ends. "You sell yourself too short. If I had to compare you now to the Kairi then…" he paused, a hand raising to his chin. "Your hair was a bit shorter, then. Wore a little less black." His eyes lingered on her outfit, on the hoodie draped on her chair. At her scowl, he reached over and poked her cheek. "Smiled more often, too. But you were still always trying to take care of everyone. Trying to protect others." He crossed his arms on the table. "Doesn't seem like that's changed."

Hearing him say that was frankly embarrassing. She'd never been able to protect _anyone_. "I was naïve."

He smirked. "I'd call it sweet."

Her face flushed, equal parts flattery and annoyance. "You make me sound like a child," she said almost angrily.

"I'm not trying to." His eyes flicked between hers, face turning serious. "I admire that part of you. I'm wondering why you don't anymore."

3 Axel, 0 Kairi.

She looked away first, because there was just no response to that.

"Well at least you haven't changed," She muttered, slapping a piece of cheese a little too hard on her sandwich. "You're still annoying"

He opened his arms wide. "I do try."

"And you're so good at it."

"I'm good at _everything_, remember?" he said, and she rolled her eyes, fighting down a smile as she topped her finished sandwich. It was a monster looking thing, and Axel seemed very amused by it. She ignored him and took a big bite, resolutely staring at the wall.

"So what else has changed?" He started again.

She swallowed. "Nothing much."

"Right." He said, leaning back. "Except you're no longer traipsing across worlds or throwing magic spells at monsters on the regular. Going to school?"

She grunted, shaking her head.

"Boyfriend?" His eyes turned sly. "….Girlfriend?"

She glared.

He smirked. "How's your job, then?"

"Why are you interrogating me?" She said, annoyed, pointing at him with her sandwich. At his wounded look, she scowled. "Don't play dumb, I remember very well how you are."

He held up his hands, easing into that carefree smile he used when he was trying to placate someone. It never ceased to make her wary. "Just trying to get to know you."

"Or trying to find out things that are none of your business," she muttered, taking another large bite, then waving her hand around the room. "What you see is what you get. There isn't much else."

"Nothing, huh?" He examined his nails. "And the tattoo?"

She froze mid chew, eyes snapping up to his, before she realized there was no way he could know what he was talking about given what she was wearing. He was _fishing_.

Unfortunately, the damage was done. He sat up, eyes sparkling with interest. "So you _do_ have one," he said, grinning.

He was worse then Selphie. She planted her socked foot on his knee and shoved. He would have toppled off the chair if he hadn't grabbed her table, making it rattle dangerously on its legs.

"No I don't," she muttered, for all the good that it did her, and stood up, sandwich all but crust in one hand. She elbowed him hard in the shoulder as she passed, ignoring his overdramatic grunt. "I'm going to bed. Come on, I'll show you the couch."

Her living room was simple. Just an enormous old grey couch she'd inherited from her parent's basement, a small coffee table she'd picked up for free on a street corner, and a TV that she'd had since she was a little girl.

Axel studied the barren room with a neutral expression on his face, eyes lingering on a stack of cardboard boxes hidden in a corner. She wish she'd at least thrown a blanket over them. "Quaint," he repeated softly, throwing her a smile.

Kairi willed the flush away, annoyed with herself. Selphie had told her multiple times she needed to get a rug or some throw pillows, but the suggestions had always sounded silly at the time. Now, though, she wondered why she hadn't at least hung up some paintings she'd gotten as gifts. She was also trying to remember if she'd changed the toilet paper in the bathroom or when was the last time she'd washed her spare sheets.

She chewed her lip. "Let me get you a blanket." She left him there and walked quickly into her room across from the kitchen, pulling her summer blanket down from the top shelf of her closet. On her way back out she grabbed her only other pillow off her bed. When she entered the living room again, she found Axel sprawled on her large couch, arms behind his head as he stared at her ceiling. Massive as the couch was, his ankles still hung over the edge.

She lingered near his socked feet, peering at him from behind her blanket and pillow. "Is it gonna work?" She asked hesitantly.

His green eyes flicked down, catching hers. Then he sat up, legs sliding to the ground. His smile was reassuring. "This is great. Thanks, Kairi."

Her name on his lips felt odd and almost intimate. She thrust the blankets at him. "Sorry. It's not a lot," she said, tucking loose hair behind her ear.

Axel grinned. "You know I've slept on far worse."

She paused, considering. "You did sleep on a rock once."

"A boulder," he corrected, of which she rolled her eyes because he always said that and it was a complete exaggeration. He leaned back on the couch again, the curve of his mouth soft. "Relax, Kairi. This is already far more than what I expected. Thanks for putting me up."

"And exactly what did you expect?" She raised an eyebrow. "That I'd just leave you on the streets?"

"You did try to run out on me," he pointed out.

"Only because I thought you were going to leave anyway." She rolled her eyes at his wince, shoulders relaxing. "If you need to hang around its, fine. This is no trouble at all. It's not like you're planning to stay for ever."

She realized only after that she'd said something she shouldn't. The flash of something across his face was too quick to identify, but the gentle smile that he gave her afterwards wasn't, nor the small chill down her spine.

"Right," he said, and she had a feeling they were having different conversations. And she didn't understand.

Lea was gentle. Not Axel.

"Good night, Princess," Axel said, his body fully relaxed yet his eyes so impenetrable that she was reminded sharply of her first memories of him on a beach, holding out his hand to her and calling her friend.

Maybe there were things she didn't know about this new Axel too.

"Good night," she whispered. And then, because she was still a coward when it came to him, she turned and walked away to her bedroom, closing the door softly behind her.

* * *

**THEN**

When she next opened her eyes, she was standing on a beach under the blinding light of a setting sun. Her Keyblade was gone. Merlin, the fairies and the room in Radiant Garden were gone. Instead there was an ocean, dyed orange and red from horizon to beach shoreline.

Familiar, achingly so. For a moment, she couldn't breathe for seeing it again.

"What do you know," Axel—Lea—Axel murmured from beside her, and she nearly recoiled at the nearness of his voice. "This crazy plan actually worked."

She didn't realize she was still tightly holding his hand until his grip loosened. She immediately snatched her hand to her chest, cheeks flushing.

White sand stretched endlessly on either side of them. In front of them lay the familiar silhouette of Destiny Islands that she both longed for and dreaded seeing at the same time. At least not like this, without the people that made it home in the first place.

Kairi squinted up the (infuriating) distance between their heights to see an odd smile on Axel's face as he contemplated the lapping waves. A smile that checked all the boxes except for the ones that really mattered. As shallow as a footprint washed away under the cerulean waves.

She watched him take a few steps away from her, crouching in the sand. She had no idea what he was looking at. When he looked up and stared at a particular spot over his shoulder, she got the feeling he was sensing something she didn't.

"We were just here," he murmured to himself, and Kairi stiffened. He didn't really mean them, now...he meant them _then_. Their past selves a year ago, on the eve of their first stupid meeting where he lied through his teeth that they were already friends and life as she remembered it changed forever.

Except it wasn't a year ago anymore, it was now. Axel's satisfied expression said as much.

It had worked. They were back. Again.

Kairi felt her head grow light, her heart beat ratcheting up. Standing on the beach, she was flooded with the memory that felt like yesterday—the taste of the ocean breeze, the hot sun on her burnt shoulder blades. Pluto's wagging tail, the warmth of his fur under her fingers. Axel's carefree smile, his empty placating words. And eventually...his grip on her wrist, always, her personal shackle.

She didn't want to be here. She didn't want to think about this or them or him or worse— all that came after. She had lost her mind committing to this crazy plan, returning here with the very person who had kidnapped her in the first place.

"—nothing's changed," Axel was saying, and something in Kairi snapped.

"_Everything_ has changed," she said, pressing a hand to her chest, the skin of which felt tight and hot under her shirt.

He glanced at her from the corner of his eye, smile fading. His eyes darted down to her hand and she swallowed, a lump in her throat, fighting the sudden need to turn away, to disappear.

There was a tightness in his expression that she didn't understand— consternation? Impatience? Pity?—then his eyes rolled away from her and he just...shrugged. "You'll get used to it," he said cryptically, the corner of his mouth curling up again ever so slightly.

He might as well have said nothing at all, for all the comfort that brought her. And really why _should_ he comfort her? Because he'd...he'd held her hand in the dark? Because for a second, she thought she'd felt camaraderie in that moment of terror?

Humiliation burned through her. Axel had been right about one thing: nothing had changed between _them_. Not what they had to do, not what he wanted, and not what she needed from him.

"I don't want to get used to it," she shot back, the back of her eyes prickling. "I'm not like _you_, Axel."

Annoyance flashed across his expression, his mouth opening as he pinned his viridian green eyes on her—and then she drew a sharp breath, cold trickling down her spine as it dawned on her suddenly.

He was the only one left.

There was no Merlin to buffer their odd silent treatment of each other. There were no Good Fairies that she could talk to when she was lonely. There was just her and Axel, in a place where they could change nothing or speak to no one, and they were all each other had.

Axel stopped. His eyes tracked over her face, and then all expression slipped from him. All that remained was the blank mask that honestly terrified her even more.

"Sorry," he murmured delicately, the way one might handle a knife delicately, eyes sliding away from her to the water—and she almost preferred the annoyance. At least it wouldn't sound as devoid of feeling as he looked.

It was too easy. Too easy to look at this man and only see the stranger she had met a year ago trying to destroy the person she cared for most. And ironically, Sora would have been so disappointed in her for not seeing past it.

Sora wasn't here though. Neither Sora or Riku had been around for a long time.

She turned her back on Axel and the island of her childhood both. "Right," she said shortly. "Let's just…let's just go."

His gaze was a small inferno on her back. No matter what nonchalance he affected she knew better—under that careless facade he was studying her, judging her, finding her wanting—and it just made her want to hide out of his sight. But a moment later he did as she asked. A dark portal opened up before her, its rim writhing with shadows, its depths impenetrable.

Kairi stared dully at the portal.

They had one year. One year to master the Keyblade without a real master to guide them. And if they failed—they would have to do this all over again. Travel to a different horrible memory they shared, fight to gain the power to protect the ones they loved, and try not to destroy their souls and hearts via paradox.

Because if they failed that—if they accidentally met their past selves on any of these roads…They would truly fade away. As if they had never existed in the first place.

"Well, Princess?" Axel said lowly as he strolled past her. She couldn't tell if he was being mocking or smug or just ironic. "You ready?

Master Yen Sid had warned her. And she had chosen this.

Taking a deep breath, Kairi followed after him. She didn't know where they were going… but it didn't matter, as long as it wasn't here.

* * *

**NOW**

She stumbled out of her bedroom to find Axel sitting at her kitchen table fully dressed, two cups of coffee steaming in front of him. He was staring lost in thought at the door of her refrigerator.

Her eyes drifted to the door to find a gift from her office white elephant two years ago— a set of those poetry tile word magnets that formed an amorphous cloud in the center of the fridge door. Selphie had opened the box after the party (explicitly against Kairi's permission, who'd wanted to regift it for next year) and entertained herself with it over several glasses of peppermint liquor while Kairi had been practically passed out in her chair from some overzealous imbibing of eggnog. A silly little gift and yet the words had just...stuck.

Currently the magnets spelled out in the center of her door were "_oh_ _empty fridge? despair_"—the result of her feelings last week when she'd broken her last egg in the middle of making an omelette.

Kairi flushed, coughing. "Morning."

He looked up at her, eyes flitting over her tangled bed hair and her oversized pajamas with cartoonish chocobos chasing after clouds. His eyes crinkled. "Yo."

She willed down the blush as she moved to take the seat opposite him, warming her hands around the steaming coffee mug he'd clearly made for her. The best way to deal with Axel was to side step whatever he was trying to embarrass her about. "Did you sleep in that?" She asked, eying his heavy leather coat.

He shrugged. "Don't have anything else."

She took a sip of her coffee, made a face, then stood up to grab the sugar bowl from her counter and the creamer from the fridge.

"Don't drink it black?" He said, amused.

"Too acidic for me," She said, spooning two teaspoons of sugar and a couple dashes of milk. "Too bitter."

"Coffee is best black," he said, leaning back and draping an arm over his chair. "As black as the soul."

"Your soul, maybe," she retorted, taking a second sip of her coffee, then adding a bit more milk. "Speaking of which…" She spooned up some sugar and leaned over, dunking it into his cup and giving it a quick swirl.

Too late, Axel drew away, covering his mug with a hand. "Hey!"

"A little sweetness isn't going to kill you," She huffed.

After she'd settled down in her chair, they fell into silence. It wasn't comfortable exactly, but it wasn't awkward either. She watched him over the rim of her cup as he just sort of…stared vacantly, lost in thought. She remembered this about him from so long ago. For all that Axel was the very definition of a boisterous and loud extrovert, there were also times where he seemed too caught up in his own internal world to notice those around him.

Especially in the mornings. For all that he hid it well, he wasn't much of a morning person.

"So," she said eventually, feeling slightly bad when he stirred, blinking. "…you planning to hang around?"

His eyes flashed up to her at that. He looked about to say something, then his mouth twitched. His gaze returned to the fridge, oddly not meeting her eyes. "There maybe some heartless still around," he said.

She shrugged, taking another sip. "You can stay. As long as you need." When his gaze snapped back to her in surprise, she added. "If you don't mind the couch."

He mulled over that one for a long moment. Eventually, he said with a tentative smile, "I don't mind."

He took a sip of his coffee, then paused. The bewildered look on his face reminded her of what she'd done. She held out her hand guiltily. "Sorry. I can get you a new cup."

He stared at her, then looked back at his coffee. He didn't move to give it to her. "It's fine," He said, eyes catching hers contemplatively as he moved to take a second slow sip. "Just not used to it, that's all."


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh. Expected chapter count now up to six or seven.

**THEN**

Kairi stood in the middle of a grassy field under the beating sun, feeling the sweat percolate between her shoulder blades. She held out an outstretched hand and called to her keyblade again and again.

No matter how tight she screwed her eyes shut, no matter how much she strained her reach, no matter how loud her inner voice shouted against the back of her eyelids—her hand remained empty.

Merlin had warned them that it would be harder to summon their keyblades in the past. She'd expected some difficulty but not that it would prove thus far impossible.

Despite the heat, it was a beautiful afternoon. The sun hung high, dappling gold on the verdant green leaves of the ancient trees that ringed their camp. Purple daffodils bobbed against her ankles and insects hummed at the periphery of her senses.

Less then two minutes into their practice session, Axel had retreated under the cover of shade against a nearby tree. Kairi glanced over her shoulder and froze at the bare tan slope of his shoulder blades peaking from behind a tree trunk.

Kairi ground her teeth—why did he never wear a shirt! His heavy leather coat lay at his feet and his pant legs were rolled up to the knees. He was reading a tattered paperback he had picked up a few days ago, the cover of a girl, a robot, a straw man and a lion skipping down a road. Based on his sarcastic comments, she didn't think he was even enjoying it. Occasionally he would snap his fingers and ignite his finger tips like a lighter. What little expression she could see of his profile was of long suffering boredom.

He wasn't even pretending to take this seriously.

When he started to whistle some out of tune song they'd heard at the last town they'd stopped at, Kairi whirled on him. "Would you quit that?"

He leaned around the tree trunk to look at her, giving her and all the world a view of smooth, muscled chest. The only thing that marred it was a black and red mark the size of her fist over his heart that she would never acknowledge if she could help it. Hard to do when he walked around _shirtless_. For her part, Kaori forced her eyes to remain on his face, cheeks red.

He raised an eyebrow at her. Small flames licked across his forearms, shooting sparks. It made her sweat just looking at it. "Quit what exactly?" He asked.

"All of it," Kairi ground out. "I'm trying to concentrate."

Axel rolled his eyes and Kairi wanted to strangle him. "You've been 'concentrating' for hours now. Take a break." His eyes flicked down over her and for all of its lazy disinterest it made her skin prickle with awareness until he added, touching the side of his nose with the back of a finger, "You're starting to sun burn."

Kairi flushed hot and cold and then bit back an angry retort. She wanted to point out how at least she was _trying_ but the truth was he had summoned his key blade twice already in the last week—both times in the middle of a skirmish with some scouting Nobodies. Even if it had been on accident and he had yet to reliably reproduce it, that was still _two_ times more than she had done.

The worst part was, he hadn't even needed to summon a key blade. He'd spent the last part of the battle just flinging pinwheels of fire around like knives, and Kairi, weaponless, had pressed herself against the alley wall and tried to stay out of his way. It had sent a cold shiver down her spine the way he'd ground the heel of his boot into the pale, latex chest of the last Nobody, flames licking his coat tails and just grinning all teeth, like a sated cat licking its chops, never mind that a year ago _he'd_ been the one who had commanded the very same creatures to attack her friends.

There was just no reconciling the many facets of Axel, Kairi reflected. Particularly not now, when he was lounging on the grass glistening that bronze tan of a model from a trashy gossip magazine and her traitorous, hormone-addled brain could not get over how he looked _good_ being such a lazy piece of—

She was saved from having to say anything at all when a sound like a teapot kettle cut through the silence. Kairi straightened, heart picking up a little even as Axel rolled his eyes, tossing his book carelessly on the ground. "Great. Book report time again."

"Answer it," she said, a little too eagerly. At his amused look, her glare returned.

"Fine, fine," he said. "Don't get your panties in a bunch."

She would have thrown something at him—preferably a key blade, although a rock would suffice—except he had reached into his pocket, pulling out a slim bound book. A golden teapot glimmered on the cover, spout puffing off steam in time with the sound of the kettle. A corner of the leather cover was creased and folded over from where it had pressed into the seam of his pants.

Their only form of communication with Merlin and the others, jammed in his pocket like a _sandwich_. Kairi bit her tongue on a protest of such mistreatment, knowing from experience that Axel would only ignore her and it would only lead to her brooding over stupid little things that didn't matter. For all that Merlin had been cautious towards the former Organization Thirteen member, the wizard hadn't given _her_ the book.

Axel rolled over and set the book on the grass in front of him, flipping it open to a blank page. Gold letters unfurled in beautiful penmanship on the page although from her distance, Kairi could only see the dance of glowing golden light on his face as he propped his head on a hand and leaned in.

Kairi watched him anxiously as he stared with a blank expression at the page. Then he sighed, flipping on his back and looking at the sky between the canopy of trees, leaving the book open.

Kairi waited all of thirty seconds before her patience ran out. "Well?"

Axel glanced at her upside down. She could see gleams of sweat on his forearms, on the bridge of his nose. "Yes?" he drawled.

"What did he want?" Kairi bit out.

Axel shrugged, returning his gaze at the sky "Don't know. Not an emergency, since he hasn't gotten to the point yet. He'll get there in a page or two."

Kairi glanced at the book, golden letters still flowing over the pages in a steady hand. Then she clenched her fist. Instead of engage in a losing battle with her temper and Axel's attention span, Kairi stormed in the other direction.

A long-suffering sigh behind her. "Where are you going now?

"None of your business!" She shouted over her shoulder.

"Don't stray too far, Dorothy," he called amused. It was the name of the heroine from his book and she didn't flatter herself that it was a compliment. "…and watch out for the tin men and the scarecrows!"

Trudging through the trees in silence helped to cool her down a little. Eventually she made it to her favorite spot— a cliff that was a brisk walk from their campsite with a vista that stretched green and gold into the horizon. She settled herself against a rock to stare down the drop, knees pulled up to her chin and expression sullen.

Eventually she pulled out a notepad and pen from inside a pocket in her dress. The symbol of the hotel they'd last stayed at sat bold at the top of the page. She ran a thumb over the corner of one tweaked edge, mouth flattening a little.

Then she began to write.

* * *

**NOW**

It was scary how well Axel ingratiated himself into her daily routine.

She thought it would be weird. She had not lived with a roommate in years and while she had camped with him many worlds over, they had never shared a space like an apartment together. She had presumed that like usual, Axel would be loud and nosy and tall.

As it turned out, Axel was none of those things except the latter—tall. Whenever she had to squeeze past him into the bathroom or sit down on the couch next to him, her body swaying into his from the cushions tilting towards him, she was starkly reminded of this. His hands with their long fingers constantly snapping or spouting flames could also span half her back when splayed open. He proved this unintentionally one night when he'd clapped her on the back after she brought surprise take-out home. His touch had been warm. She'd been so shocked at the physical contact that she'd stared at him too long, wide eyed, until she saw his easy smile slip a little, green eyes flicking between hers, and then he'd proceeded to ruffle her hair into a knotted mess that had her in fits and him pleased as punch.

Beyond such occasional bouts of insanity, he was otherwise a perfect roommate. He was up before she woke, a freshly poured coffee already steaming on the table waiting for her. He was still watching whatever show they decided to put on the TV before bed—usually soap operas or reality TV, he had a unsurprising addiction to melodrama— when she finally trundled off to bed. She never heard him in the night and the blankets she laid out for him were always folded in the same spot, only a few wrinkles as evidence that they might have been used at all.

She wasn't convinced he slept, at least not during the night. There were bags under his eyes in the morning and yawns that he tried to cover with jokes and questions. She suspected he slept the moment she headed to work, because he seemed far more alert and easy going once she'd returned.

She still didn't really know what he was doing here or how long he'd stay. But for now it was...nice. Weird but nice.

All this to say that today, for the first time in months, Kairi was running late.

One minute she had been laughing at something obnoxious Axel had been saying, then next she was looking at the clock and practically spitting her second coffee all over her cheap kitchen table.

Twenty minutes later she was dressed and in the hall, trying to juggle her bag, her keys, the remains of her coffee, and one low heeled pump while she slipped the other on a stocking clad foot. Axel watched her from the kitchen entrance, fascinated.

"Please lock the doors and windows if you leave, yadda yadda, you know the drill," she was telling him. She got one heel on, chugged her coffee, then set it down on the small hall table.

"You and your locks," He said with a roll of his eyes, but nodded. "When do you come home?"

She paused, tapping the other heel in her thigh. "Probably late, and just to pick up a change of clothes. I've got a workout class at eight, so don't feel the need to stay up—oh! That reminds me." She looked at the things in her hands, then sighed and put them on the ground. She slipped out of her heeled shoe and bustled over to her bedroom, crooking a finger at him to follow.

Axel hovered at the entrance to her room, peering inside. It was as barren as her living room. She flushed a little at the pile of dirty clothes on the side of the bed, but bee-lined towards the bottom drawer of her dresser.

"You've been sleeping in your clothes, haven't you?" She said, falling to her knees and pulling the drawer open. "I may have a few men's things…"

Axel's expression flickered. "You have...?"

He cut off when she pulled a large men's pair of sweatpants from out of the drawer. She held them up to the light, then turned to size him up. The expression on his face was a mix between surprised and discomfort. "Uhh…"

She shook her head, putting it back in the drawer. "Freakishly tall."

"Hey, now," Axel said, mouth curling just a little as she knew it would.

She continued rummaging through the drawer, eventually pulling out several long workout shorts that _may _fit him and setting them aside.

"You don't have to do this," he said, eyes flicking to the clothes. There was a question there that she was going to ignore, thank you very much. "I can pick up a couple things."

Kairi rolled her eyes, then grabbed an old t-shirt off the top of a stack, throwing it at him. "No you won't. And it's fine. It's not like they're getting much use." And then regretted it instantly, given how much that said about her current love life.

He caught the shirt deftly, chuckling, and then with a whip of the fabric held it up in the low light.

The moment she got a glimpse of the yellow printed wings of a chocobo on the fabric, however, all of the blood drained from Kairi's face. She jumped to her feet, a hand outstretched as if she could snatch it back. Of all the—it was _that_ shirt. The shirt she utterly _despised_. Why the hell did she even still have the stupid thing.

An awkward silence. Kairi's face burned.

She didn't see Axel's expression from behind the shirt but she didn't have to. It was a typical chocobo racing shirt, the extra slutty variety. A woman with short dark red hair, violet eyes, and breasts the size of watermelons that barely fit into her pathetic jockey outfit was draping herself wantonly over a racing chariot.

It was bad enough the t-shirt was absolutely enormous and would fit Axel just fine—which meant, of course, it dwarfed Kairi whenever she accidentally wore it and begged the question _why she had it at all_. But what made it one hundred times worse, of course, was the fact that if you looked at the shirt and squinted…there was maybe, possibly, just a little bit of a resemblance. Between the model and her.

So her ex had said, anyway, who wasn't exactly a source she found trustworthy. Maybe if you squinted really, _really_ hard and ignored the gigantic, unrealistic breasts.

When Axel finally lowered the shirt to look at her, gaze unreadable, Kairi abruptly looked away, glaring at her drawer. So many shirts, she bemoaned. So many simple, plain unisex shirts she could have grabbed instead.

"So…" He began, and Kairi broke.

"It's a _friend's_," she supplied quickly. Which wasn't a lie. He technically had been a friend, her ex, until he'd turned out to be a complete jack ass.

"Hmm." Axel didn't look convinced at all. He glanced at the back of the shirt, which sported the much cuter chocobo racing insignia which she adored and would wear more often if not for its unfortunate reverse side. "So your ex was a fan of the races, was he?"

"Yes," she bit out, then tensed as she realized he'd said _ex_ and _he_ and she hadn't denied it. She shot him a nasty look, which he ignored it in favor of turning the shirt once more to face the front and staring openly at the stupid model with her stupid breasts and that stupid short hair cut that had been ruined for Kairi forever. It looked like…he was recalibrating something in his mind. She wasn't sure what for and she wasn't sure she liked it.

Finally, Axel cleared his throat. "So about this _ex-friend_—"

Kairi marched right over, intent to snatch the thing out of his hand. To her great annoyance, he easily lifted it clear above her head. "—whoa, whoa. I never said I wouldn't use it."

"Axel," she growled.

"Don't you have somewhere to be?" He said pointedly, laughter in his voice, holding the shirt above and out of her reach. "Should you be worrying about a t-shirt right now?"

Kairi's head whipped to the clock on her night stand, then she _squeaked_. She rushed to the door, nearly tripping over the stack of shorts on the ground and Axel flattened against the doorframe to let her through. She paused, eyes snapping to the shirt, which he merely moved behind his back, grinning.

Kairi growled in frustration. She didn't have time for this. "Throw that one out," she said, stabbing a finger into his chest, and then brushed past him.

"Why?" Axel called teasingly after her as she grabbed her things, stuffed her feet into her shoes, and practically ran to the door. "It's a perfectly good shirt."

"Throw it out!" She said, then slammed her front door behind her, cutting off his laugh.

* * *

"So," Selphie said once she and Kairi had gotten their coffees—a cappuccino for her, the latest sweet drink concoction for Selphie—and sat down at the coffee shop booth. Their new coworker—Kairi had forgotten her name again—was running late. "…Did something good happen?"

Kairi, who had been staring contentedly out the window sipping her hot drink, blinked and turned to her friend. "What makes you say that?"

"Three reasons. One, you were late this morning. You are never late."

Kairi rolled her eyes.

"Two, you were just humming," Selphie continued with a grin, then gestured at Kairi. "And three, you're wearing your nice blue shirt. You never wear that shirt except on special occasions."

Kairi looked down at herself to find that indeed, she was wearing her one nice silk shirt Selphie had convinced her to buy for interviews or the occasional date. Her neck flushed a little. "I wear this all the time," she started defensively.

"Nu huh. Nope," Selphie said, pointing a freshly painted mustard yellow nail across the laminate table top. "You don't wear that _ever _cause you hate dry cleaning it. So…" she sucked her mocha latte obnoxiously through her straw, then fluttered her eye lashes. "…So what happened?"

Kairi shook her head. "There is nothing—"

Selphie leaned closer, eyebrows wagging, "_Who_ happened?

Kairi gaped, unsure if she should be offended or embarrassed. Selphie gasped in response, then practically squealed. "No way, really? _Finally_!" She leaned closer, eyes sparkling. "Tell me absolutely everything and don't leave anything out, _I'll_ decide what's important."

"_Lower your voice,_" Kairi hissed, leaning over the table in a whisper. "Nothing happened and _no one_ happened."

Selphie pouted. "Darn, I thought I had it." Selphie leaned back, swirling her straw in her cup. "Well then what happened?" Then her eyes narrowed. "…its not Reno, is it?"

Kairi frowned—not appreciating at all the reminder of the person attached to that name—but she could tell Selphie wasn't going to drop this. And they weren't going to be alone forever—the new girl was going to arrive at _some _point. Kairi relented, "Not that this is related _at all_ to why I'm wearing a nice shirt but…I did bump into someone this week." When Selphie bristled, she added with an eye roll, "And no, it wasn't _him_."

Selphie stared at her for a long moment, then nodded. "Was it Sora?"

Kairi tensed, a flash of anger rising in her that she quickly tamped down on. Selphie remembered growing up with Sora and knew Kairi and him had been close as kids but…she didn't know much beyond that. No one on Destiny Island really knew what exactly had happened to Sora and Riku, other than that they'd transferred to a school across the sea. And no one knew…. Kairi forced herself to relax. "No."

Selphie leaned back, frowning. "Well it can't be Riku. Then who is it?"

Kairi traced a mindless pattern on the table. After a moment, "Someone I used to know a long time ago."

Selphie twirled her straw. "What's his name?"

Kairi resisted chewing on her lip, looking out the window instead. What a complicated question. She'd known him by many names. So many versions of himself. Which one did she choose?

_Lea_ was on the tip of her tongue…"…Axel," she said, feeling an odd sensation in her stomach.

Selphie cocked her head. "Do I know him?"

"No."

"Phooie," Selphie blew bubbles in her drink. "Well, when you gonna bring him around?"

"Who says you're going to meet him? " Kairi teased. When her friend pulled out her straw from her drink, attempting to poke her with the wet end, Kairi fended her off and relented. "Hey—Okay! Put that away! …What I mean is, he's probably not even gonna be around for much longer."

Selphie withdrew, though her eyes were still suspicious. "Why's that?"

Kairi brought her coffee to her lips, wondering how to appropriately phrase things without doing the meddling Donald used to always go on about. "His... job doesn't tend to let him stay in one place long."

"Okay…" Selphie took a long sip from her drink. "Well, do you like him?"

Kairi narrowly missed inhaling her drink. "What?"

Selphie was giving her the look that meant she was crazy overreacting—which she _wasn't_, thank you very much. "Do you like him?"

The obvious answer was to say no. "What does that have to do with anything?"

Selphie sat back in her seat, smiling with far too satisfied an expression for Kairi's liking. "Because you never know. Maybe that would be enough to get him to stay."

If she'd been expecting Kairi to be moved, she was disappointed. Kairi ugly snorted. "Uh, no." At Selphie's offended look, she continued. "That's just absurd. You would see that if you met him. Besides, he has far more important people in his life than me." Her thoughts drifted to Roxas...and Xion.

But Selphie was shaking her head. "Kairi, you just don't get it. You are a _wonderful _catch. If I personally hadn't witnessed your atrocious bad luck with men, I wouldn't believe you were single."

"Maybe I _want_ to be single," Kairi grumbled, slouching in her seat.

Selphie clucked her tongue. "Or _maybe_…you sell yourself far too short."

That was the second time someone had told her in as many weeks. Kari frowned. "…He doesn't see me that way."

Selphie grinned like a Cheshire Cat, then noisily sipped the dregs of her drink. Under Kairi's suspicious look, she eventually said, "You do realize you basically admitted that _you_ see him that way?"

Kairi pulled off the lid of her coffee, holding the foamy end out threateningly.

Selphie held up her hands, giggling, then sighed. "Look, don't get me wrong, Kai. I'm not keen on you jumping back into another relationship after that last raging asshole." She reached across the table, putting a hand over Kairi's and her green eyes were bright and sincere. "But today you just looked happy. And I feel like I haven't seen you happy in a long time."

Kairi contemplated that, then gave Selphie's hand a gentle squeeze. Her friend really was the best.

"I'll think about it," she said, leaning back in her seat.

"Better yet, bring him around," Selphic whined, draping pathetically over the table.

Kairi shook her head, smiling. "I can't bring anyone around you. You'll scare him off."

Selphie's grin turned wicked. "Then he isn't the right one. I'm a package deal, you know…." Selphie trailed off, her eyes flicking over her head, then she sat up abruptly and started to wave. "Oh hey Rinoa... over here!"

Kairi glanced over her shoulder to see their new coworker had just entered the coffee shop. She turned back just in time to see Selphie mouth the word '_Rinoa_' with exaggerated slowness, then a wink. Kairi blushed.

"Rinoa," Kairi said loudly as the other girl slid into the booth beside Selphie. "Great you could make it." Over the girl's profuse apologies for being late, Kairi caught Selphie's knowing look and mouthed a 'thank you' back.

Nothing really did get past Selphie.

* * *

**THEN**

The transition from the corridors of darkness to the physical realm was a jarring blast of bright lights and sounds and smells, starbursts of color dancing where there had been only the absence of everything. Kairi still was not used to it despite Axel's regular needling that she should be by now.

There was no witty commentary today, however. Axel's hand was a cold iron on her elbow until she found her footing, and then he dropped it abruptly, face flat. His red keyblade in his other hand de-materialized in a shower of flames and the casualness of it filled her with fierce jealousy. Without sparing her a glance, he turned to walk down a street, tossing a "Wait here," over his shoulder.

They were in a unfamiliar town, neon lights bright and vibrant and casting long shadows on cobblestones. The sky above was dark and cloudy, the scent of ozone and static in the air.

Kairi blinked, confused at why they were here and not back at their camp, but then she realized as Axel strode around a corner that she had no idea where she was and if she didn't follow him she would lose him.

She scrambled after him, bumping shoulders into strangers who hardly acknowledged her. His shock of red hair bobbed already half way down the street and by the time she caught up with him, she was panting.

"Axel, wait," she said, reaching to grab his wrist.

He stopped suddenly and she nearly ran into him. "Lea," he said.

"What?"

"It's Lea. My name."

She furrowed her brow at him. "Well my name's Kairi, not _Princess_."

He looked at her, those green eyes impenetrable and his mouth ticked down, then grunted. "Fine," he said, turning away. "Call me whatever you want. I need to restock supplies, go back to the plaza and wait for me there."

She clenched her fist. "What is _wrong_ with you?"

He stopped. The sky above gave an ominous crack, and then a few droplets of something cold began to prickle her skin. Of course it was going to rain.

Kairi stared at his back, a lump in her throat. The last week he had retreated more and more in to himself, aggressive in battle and silent and dismissive otherwise. The last day had been torturous; when he bothered to say a word to her at all, it was with that dead look in his eyes, like he was seeing right through her. He was treating her like.. It was like they were back again. To that time when he was her jailer and she was his captive. And she hated it. She was already stuck in the past, she didn't want to have to relive it too.

"I'm sorry," she began haltingly. "You got injured again and it's my fault. If I was better, this wouldn't be so hard. I know that."

He said nothing.

Kairi clenched the hem of her increasingly damp dress. "But...All you have been doing lately is ordering me around," she continued. "You refuse to tell me where you are going or what we are doing. You can't expect me to just obey without—"

"Yes, I do." He whirled on her, face furious as he stalked towards her and god, he was so much _bigger_ than her. He swallowed up her whole vision. Kairi gulped, hands trembling. At her reaction he froze for just a second, then his face flattened again, a blank slate.

"Yes, I do," he repeated deathly calm. "Because I am your ticket in this world, Princess. You need me, not the other way around, and these are the rules you are gonna have to live with."

"Look, I get it. I'm holding you back," she said, the words ripping her innards, "but I am also not just some tool!" His jaw clenched hard at that but she powered on, "You don't want to tell me everything, fine, but at least tell me _something_. Just talk to me. I can't help if I don't—"

Axel cut her off. "I don't need you to _help_. This is not a democracy. This is not some field trip or some game. If you don't want to die, you will do as I say."

Kairi opened her mouth wordlessly. He wasn't even hearing her point. "I know that! I am trying here—"

"Do you know? Because I don't think you do. _Trying_," Axel hissed, "is not good enough, Princess. If wishing something could happen was all it took, I would have found Roxas by now and you would have stopped pretending you can do something you can't."

Kairi jerked back as if slapped. "…_what_ am I pretending?" She whispered.

Axel made a frustrated noise at her expression, rubbing the back of his head. "Now don't do _that_," he said gesturing at her, though she had no idea what he meant. "This is nothing personal."

"This is absolutely personal!" She took a step forward, glaring up at him. "Just say it. You think I shouldn't be here."

They stared at each other, Axel's mouth flat and eyes a livid green.

"_Say_ it," she whispered.

Axel suddenly leaned close, mouth twisted mockingly. "Have you ever killed someone?"

The question drew her up short. When she said nothing, he snorted. "Exactly. The seekers of darkness aren't waiting for you to save them. And you don't have what it takes to do what is necessary."

Even knowing it was coming, it still felt like a punch to the gut. At the look on her face, he laughed.

"What did you think was going to happen when you finally summoned a keyblade, Princess? Seven guardians of light...what a joke." He shook his head. "I hate to break it to you sweetheart, but no one is waiting on you. We're just a number in a prophecy."

She took a step back, humiliated. Every training session she'd endured, every inch of progress she'd carefully nursed to keep her going, now looked shallow and pitiful beneath his apathetic gaze. "You're heartless."

His smile was cruel. "You did ask."

She turned on her heel and ran.

She barreled back the way they came as the rain began in earnest now, soaking her clothes and her hair until she was drenched. Eventually she was back in the plaza, which was now empty, and she stood in the middle, staring at the ground and breathing hard.

Yen Sid had asked her to take a leap of faith. Had told her she was needed. She had known this would be hard, but how was she supposed to have faith when not even the person she was with believed in what they were doing? Axel was duplicitous and self-serving and could lie at the drop of a hat. But she didn't think he'd been lying now.

Kairi clenched her fist. Sora had practically begged her to give "Lea" a chance, and she hated the feeling that she was letting him down. But it wasn't fair.

Why was it that Axel didn't seem to care about any of this and was doing just fine, while Kairi cared too much and just…wasn't?

Neon lights flickered. Kairi's head jerked up, and she looked around slowly. Lightning crackled and the sign over the fountain went out.

Kairi took a step back and then ran into something.

Some _thing_.

An ice cold wet grip on her ankle. She yelped, air hissing between her teeth as she turned to look down—and came face to face with a blue and white mask slinking on the ground. A slit appeared abruptly under the mask, revealing white sharp teeth. Yellow predator eyes peered up at her over a grinning, salivating mouth.

Ice stole over her face, over her body. She opened her mouth to scream—

—and then suddenly she was being dragged bodily into a dark alley.

Rough cobble stones and debris dug into her side and hips. Shouting, Kairi scrabbled at the ground finding no purchase, then kicked her legs. Her feet hit what felt like wet mud and her throat closed as the creature merely made a sound, too eerily similar to a high pitched giggle of a child.

As the creature dragged her past a row of boxes, Kairi thrust her hand to the stormy sky, pleading. If her keyblade was going to come, it had to come now. It was now or never.

Nothing but rain water on her palm.

Inevitability closed over her, seizing her throat and lungs. This struggle was futile. She was weak. She didn't know how to fight. She was gonna die in this strange town adrift in time because she couldn't be on her own without needing to be rescued and no one would know what had happened.

Oddly, in this last moment, she didn't think about Sora or Riku. She thought of Merlin.

_Merlin cupped a spindly hand under hers as she produced a chunk of ice the size of a grapefruit for his inspection. It melted in her hand, dripping on to his. She grinned at him, gratified by the proud glint in his eyes. "See?" he said. "Magic is _belief_."_

Kairi thrust a second hand towards the creature and ice shot from her fingers, half formed but a brilliant cold blue that had the creature flinch with a shriek. When its grip loosened, she jerked her leg free in a splattering arc of darkness and scrabbled to her feet. The creature turned to her, feral and terrifying, and Kairi backed away.

A rusty pipe lay propped against a cardboard box. She grabbed it, holding it between them.

She swung and hit the creature, but it felt like passing through jello. The thing giggled and lunged towards her but she drew back. Her hand glowed blue and ice sheathed over the pipe. When she hit it this time, it felt more solid and the thing shrunk back with a high pitched keen, yellow eyes spasming.

Her swings were wild but the creature was not much better. They clawed and struggled with each other, skin ablaze of cuts and bruises, hair pulled, an antennae yanked, a mask slipping slime sludge down a damaged face. Each thud of the pipe into its body felt more sickeningly solid, drew away more pieces of darkness like splatters of mud onto her clothes and the cobble stones. Every cry from the thing picked at her skin, every furious shriek drew a lump of terror in her throat, adrenaline spiking.

Two desperate creatures in a macabre dance. It was so pitiful she could cry.

At last the heartless pulled away from her and screamed, deafening and desperate, it's yellow eyes bulging. A pop sounded behind her, the sound of charging feet, and she had just enough time to whip around to see an enormous heartless bearing down on her before it caught her by the throat in an iron grip.

It lifted her up into the air. She scratched at its hand, choking, unable to look away as the heartless behind her chittered and crooned and the one holding her broke out into a horrifying grin.

Then it jerked, a pinwheel sticking from its neck. Flames roared to life around the weapon, a tower of heat and light so hot that Kairi's skin of her arms burned from mere proximity, and then the creature was melting, a sound like crackling glass emitting from its mouth as its eyes sunk back into puddles of blackness and blinked out.

Kairi fell to the ground in a crumpled heap, air rushing back into her lungs, and then Axel was crouched next to her, a hand touching her shoulder.

"You alive?" He asked, distracted, then jerked suddenly, whirling on his knee towards the opposite direction.

More giggling in the darkness.

His hand tightened on her shoulder, then he let go, standing in a swift motion. "Get up Princess," he said, not sparing her a glance. "We have to go."

She struggled to get to her feet, took two steps, and then fell to her knees.

He made an impatient noise, whirling to her. "Do you _want_ to get killed—"

The look on her face made him freeze. And then he was moving to her, his large hands grasping her by the elbows and yanking her up, and though she hated it, she clutched his sleeves. When he opened a dark portal and threw them in, she buried her face into his jacket.

When she opened her eyes next, they were at their campsite again, the campfire dark. She was on her knees, and Axel was crouched in front of her.

She couldn't breathe. Her lungs heaved and yet it felt like there was no air. She tried to disentangle from him immediately but he wouldn't budge.

"You gotta calm down," he said, and the tentative tone of his voice made her jerk back, made her want to bury her head in her knees and hide, but his grip was firm and after only a moment of resistance she looked up at him.

They stared at each other, his eyes flickering over her face, widening at the blood on her lip, at the bruise tight and aching on her cheekbone.

And then she burst in to tears.

His expression caved like popped glass. "Shit," Axel said, gloved thumb rubbing at her cheek, and his mouth twisted as tears immediately spilled over again. "Shit, I…sometimes I forget you're…" He sighed.

He fell silent as Kairi tried to pull herself together.

"Listen to me," he said finally, and she looked up at him, eyes wet. "Forget what I said before. I was mad. I shouldn't have let this happen." His mouth tightened. "I won't let them get you."

There was a look in his eye, like he'd been here before, like he'd made these promises to other people. And while Axel was as much a villain as a hero, she could feel that he meant it.

Anger momentarily pierced through the panic.

"I don't _need_ you to protect me," she said so fiercely that Axel drew back a little, blinking. "Because you were _right_. I was about to die by that—" her mouth twisted "—by that heartless and yet all I could think about was how it was human once, that something just like it had once been Sora taking me by the hand and how that would make me—" Then she wilted, arms going around herself.

"…heartless," he gently finished for her.

Silence, save for her tortured breathing.

"It's stupid," she forced out.

"...it's not stupid."

"It is." She shook her head. "But it doesn't matter because I want to protect _myself_." She blinked at him between wet lashes, longing for understanding. "How am I supposed to protect others if I can't protect myself?"

He looked at her for what felt like forever. Then he took one of his gloves off, and brushed the tears from her face with his thumb. His skin was warm.

"Right," he said gently, something thawed in his gaze she had never seen. "Sorry."

She looked away from him, tears still streaming down her face. But she didn't get up.

They sat there for a long time, until she couldn't cry anymore. And then, he said, "I _am_ sorry."

Then she finally let go of him. _You're heartless_, she had told him, and he hadn't even flinched. He believed it too much. "Me too," she whispered.

* * *

**NOW**

It was Friday and she was in the kitchen making a sandwich when there was three slow knocks on her door. "Kairi?" a familiar voice piped up from the hall.

Kairi froze. Axel frowned from the table, slowly putting down his coffee mug.

"Who is that?" he started but she was already walking quickly towards the door. Her hand lingered on the locked bolt, then the chain, before she sighed. Then she hooked a finger through the chain as she got on her tip toes and peered out the peephole.

Nothing but the empty hall. That was weird…hadn't he just knocked?

Kairi started to back up quietly—and immediately bumped into a wall of Axel, who was standing directly behind her. She hadn't even heard him follow her into the hall.

She yelped out loud—then slapped a hand over her mouth, eyes wide.

"Kairi?" came a male voice through the door. The sound of someone standing up from her doorstep. "Is that you?"

Axel tensed against her. "Who is that?" he whispered slowly.

Kairi dug her elbow into his rib, shaking her head, but he was as immovable as a rock wall. "None of your business, Axel," she hissed in a whisper. "Go back into the living room."

Axel was studying her face intently. Whatever he saw there made him twitch then straighten, expression rippling into smooth affability. It sent a chill through her.

"Aren't you going to open the door?" he said lightly, and Kairi instinctively gripped his shirt to hold him back, even though he hadn't moved.

"Kairi?" the voice outside said uncertainly.

Axel's eyes narrowed. "Please step aside, sweetheart." When she didn't, Axel reached over her head, unlocking the bolt and chain. His other hand ghosted along her bare arm, tugging, and then Kairi found herself staring at his back, one of his hands gently pressing her behind him.

The man standing in front of Kairi's door was dressed in a dark suit, the white shirt unbuttoned and a tie hanging in his hand. He was of average height, taller than Kairi but no where near Axel's height, and the man looked up with surprise when Axel opened the door. Surprise turned to confusion, however, when the two men got a good look at each other—not just because of the height difference or the fact that it wasn't Kairi who had opened the door, but also because both men shared the same shocking red hair color. Even their faces were vaguely similar, though the other man's eyes were a cool grey and Axel's hair was obviously longer. If one squinted, they might be mistaken for brothers.

A moment of silence, where even Axel was at a loss for words, and Kairi resisted hiding her face in her hands.

The man recovered first. "Uh, hello." He scratched the back of his head awkwardly, eyes flicking to the number nailed to the door frame as if to verify he'd got the right number.

Axel's shoulder's relaxed—which sent Kairi's tensing. Relaxed Axel was not a good sign. "Good evening," he said pleasantly, holding the door frame in one large hand, the door in the other. "Sorry buddy, but we don't accept solicitations. Try number fourteen down the hall." Then he started to close the door.

"Uh, wait!" The man jumped, holding out his hand to the door, then seemed to think better of it at Axel's narrowed look. "Sorry," He said, both hands raised. "I'm not a solicitor. I'm looking for Kairi? Does she still live here?"

"Kairi," Axel said, drawing her name out so long that the man shifted uneasily. Then Axel shrugged. "Hmm. Nope. Doesn't ring a bell. Good luck with that—"

Kairi had enough. She elbowed him, cutting him off, then shoved him into the wall so she could step around him. "Why thanks for getting the door for me, Axel," she said sweetly through gritted teeth, then looked at her visitor—and despite herself, felt her heart sink into her stomach. "Uh…Hello, Reno."

The man stared at her, then at Axel who was still filling up the door way behind her and probably looking not the least bit repentant. Reno cleared his throat. "Oh, hey, Kairi. I dropped by to see if you were around…" he paused. "Bad time?"

"Yes," Axel said at the same time as Kairi said, "It's fine." She stepped on Axel's foot behind her. He didn't even have the grace to flinch.

Reno blinked at the two of them. "Umm…"

Kairi snapped her head over her shoulder, glaring up at Axel who was still giving Reno a 'friendly' expression. "Axel."

He looked down at her almost lazily. "Kairi."

Reno made a slight noise. Axel's eyes flicked up, and he smiled ever so slightly. "Oh did you mean this Kairi?"

Kairi ground her heel into his toes. Still no reaction except a slightly raised eyebrow that was the equivalent non-verbal of _aren't you cute_. She gave him a saccharine smile of her own. "Would you mind giving us a moment?"

His eyes flicked to her at her strained tone. They stared at each other for a long moment, before he finally sighed and stood to his full height, somehow managing to fill up even more of the doorway.

Kairi felt a brief flash of relief as she turned back around—only to bite back a squeak as one of Axel's hand pressed against the flat of her back, unseen and warm. Her heart stopped as he leaned over her shoulder to give Reno a piercing stare. "You be nice to her, yeah?" She was too shocked to resist when he then nudged her gently outside the door frame and shut the door with a soft click.

And that was how Kairi found herself finally alone in the hall way. With Reno.

Her heart sunk even lower into her gut. God, she hadn't wanted to do this in the first place!

Taking a deep breath, Kairi turned to face her ex-boyfriend, who was staring at her like he had no idea what just happened. That was fine—she didn't really either.

"Who was that?" he asked tentatively, rubbing the back of his head, eyes locked on the door behind her.

Kairi frowned. "It's frankly none of your business." When he looked back at her, straightening, she continued, "What are you doing here?"

Reno shifted awkwardly. "I was around this part of town for a job. I happened to walk by and I wondered if you were in…" he glanced at her, seeing no change in her expression, then hurriedly continued "Look, I've been thinking and—"

"Reno," Kairi interrupted bluntly. "I already told you this last time you happened to be around. And the last time too. I'm not going to change my mind. And I…" she took a breath. "I want you to stop dropping by my apartment."

He fell silent, his face turning crestfallen. Despite herself, she felt her heart twinge a little, but then she steeled herself. He had been the one that left, not her.

"You need to move on," she said quietly, because nothing but brutal honesty was going to get through to him.

She saw hurt, then anger flash into Reno's eyes. He straightened. "I need to move on?" He said, and she braced herself-Reno never went down without a fight. "You telling me redheads are just your 'type' now?"

God, he was so full of himself. "He's nothing like you," she snapped, and then anger got the better of her. "And if we're going to be petty—I knew _him_ way before I met you."

It took a moment for the implication to sink in, but when it did, Reno's face drained of color. It made Kairi really wish that Axel hadn't opened the door in the first place. "What the fuck, Kairi."

Perhaps it was a stupid low blow—and it wasn't exactly true, not really—but she wasn't going to apologize for it. He deserved it for even bringing Axel up in the first place. That didn't mean she had to drag it out though. "Good bye, Reno," Kairi said firmly, turning her back on him and opening the door.

"Did I even mean anything to you?" he asked bitterly.

Kairi froze, hand shaking on the door handle. When she slowly turned to face him, face flat and eyes wet, all the spite wiped from his face. "How dare you," she whispered. "_You_ left _me_. You don't get to say that to me, _ever_, when I was the only one who even tried to salvage us."

"Shit." Reno had the grace to look ashamed. "Kairi, I'm sorry, I…"

She didn't let him finish. She opened the door, stepping inside. "I don't want to ever see you again, Reno," she said with her back to him, thankful her voice didn't waver. "Don't come back, or I will call the police next time." Then she slammed the door on his face.

Axel wasn't in the hall way. She found him sitting on the couch, an arm over the back and flicking through TV channels. She sat down next to him, their knees barely brushing.

"Sorry about that," she muttered.

He shrugged, handing her a plate with the sandwich she'd been making earlier, a big bite missing from the center of it. "No worries, Princess. I may never be able to feel my toes again, but who needs those anyway."

They watched an episode of a TV drama in comfortable silence. Thirty minutes in, she put the untouched sandwich on the coffee table and scooted into the crook of his arm, gripping his shirt. He didn't look away from the television, just hummed.

"This bastard Hideki," he murmured to her, nodding at the television screen. "Men are all idiots."

Ten minutes later, when Kairi pressed her forehead to his chest, he didn't say anything at all. When she started to quietly cry, he just curled his arm around her shoulder, head falling back on the sofa, and sighed.

"I'm guessing that was the ex-friend then," he said to the ceiling.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic was supposed to be the equivalent of a short Axel/Kairi coffee shop AU. At this point I'm just going with the flow.

**THEN**

The first thing that Kairi saw once they stepped foot onto their next world was the ocean.

She breathed in sharp, then darted across a terrain of dark porous rocks, ignoring Axel's call after her. By the time he made it to the edge of the small sea inlet where rock shelf met open water, she was already at the bottom, socks and shoes discarded on a nearby boulder as she waded up to her calves in a large tide pool.

He leaned his weight on one knee, looking down at her from above, backlit by a bright yellow sun. "What's this?"

"Tide pool. You ever been in one?" She was already rolling up the sleeves of her white collared shirt, part of her current disguise for this world. Merlin had insisted they keep up appearances if they chanced on other people.

Axel hummed. "Nope. Haven't had much time to sightsee before." She looked up at him warily to see if he was being sarcastic but his expression was merely curious. "What's in them?"

She paused at that, fingers lingering on one of the buttons of her other sleeve. She bit her lip, then peaked up at him from beneath her bangs. "Why don't you come and see?"

Axel considered her and the foamy blue waters swirling at her feet, then stood up to shuck off his coat.

It had been a week since her solitary fight with the heartless and they hadn't talked much. She'd continued to practice and he'd continued to conveniently disappear and snooze somewhere but there was a different quality in the air between them now. He wasn't exactly telling her his plans, but he wasn't ignoring her anymore and that was a start.

Today, in fact, he'd seemed to be in a good mood.

Maybe that was why she had asked him to join her.

Kairi ducked her head, busing herself with tying her long hair up into a ponytail as Axel made his way down the rocks to her. He'd followed her example, rolling the hem of his black trousers up to his knees. He'd been wearing a sleeveless black shirt underneath the coat. Her eyes darted to his tan, toned arms in the warm sun until she caught herself.

As he approached, his eyes turned to a natural dip between crags on the far end of the inlet, where waves from the ocean occasionally crashed through and fed the pool. A particularly large wave that rippled close to where they stood made his eyebrows raise.

"Should we be worried about that?" He asked, moving to stand beside her.

She nodded. "Just keep an eye on it." She hesitated, then tugged on his shirt. He turned to look down at her and she pointed at the water surface below. "Look."

Below the undulating surface lay two bright pink and purple stars, curled up against the side of a rock. Axel leaned in with interest and Kairi felt something pleased and warm bloom in her chest.

"Star fish," she said. "We call this one an ochre sea star."

Then she pointed to another dark shadow under the water. "Sea cucumber. They're kind of like large sea worms. They are really soft to the touch but I don't recommend squeezing them."

He looked amused, hands on knees as he peered into the depths. "Let me guess — you always wanted to be a marine biologist."

She gave him a dirty look. "I did live on an island, you know. This one is different of course—much colder. But some things are still the same."

He cocked his head at her as she continued to scout under the surface, feeling the soft rock fauna beneath her finger tips.

"Did you do this kind of thing often?" She looked up to find him staring at her. His eyes reflected blue from the ocean waves, intense. "Back home?"

"Yeah," she said, moving to pull herself up out of the water onto a slab so she could get a better look on the other side. "There was a small island that we used to boat over to during the day. We'd spend from dawn to dusk exploring." She smiled to herself, spotting a few hermit crabs scuttling over rocks under the water.

She heard him pull up beside her, moving to lean back on his elbows as he peered down to where she was looking. Even without touching, she felt the warmth of him along her side compared to the biting sea breeze.

"Was it fun?" He asked finally.

She paused her inspection of the sandy bottom for sand dollars to look up at him. He wasn't looking at her, preoccupied with gently touching the purple spikes of a sea urchin close to where they sat. His mouth curled up at the corners and there was nothing ironic about it, a rare sight.

She looked down at the water again, thinking about Selphie, Wakka and Tidus. About Sora and Riku.

"Even then," she said carefully, "I think I viewed it as a kind of wonderful dream. And I was very determined to make as many precious memories as possible, since I didn't remember much of where I was born."

"Radiant Garden?"

She looked up, blinking. Axel was still staring at the urchin, though his smile was gone. "You know of it?" She asked.

His eyes flicked to hers, assessing. Then he made to stand up. "Should we go? Looks like the tide is getting rougher."

She nodded, pushing up to her knees. "We should be careful on these rocks. The moss makes them slippery—"

Her hand slipped to the side and with a squeak she sunk neck deep into the tide pool, barely catching herself on a submerged rock before her head went under. Axel made a noise, eyebrows in his hairline at her ridiculous position.

"Like that," she said weakly up to him.

"Teaching by example now?" He mocked wryly then reached down to help her up.

His arm was a warm band wrapped around her waist as he hauled her up out of the pool and on to her feet. Water sleuthed off her in a cascade, leaving behind sand and particles and an overbearing taste of salt that made her wince when she licked her lips. Laughing just a little, she rubbed her face with the back of her hand and squinted up at him.

"It's not a tide pool trip unless you fall in one," she quipped.

He snorted, picking off a piece of sea weed that clung to her shoulder, his eyes flicking quickly over her. They landed somewhere near her shirt before he suddenly stilled, face going pale.

With a sense of dread, Kairi reluctantly looked down as well. Her white shirt was wet and entirely see through, clinging to her meager curves and showing off her plain black bra. If he had been merely ogling her she would have found herself at the intersection point between embarrassed, flattered and furious.

But his expression said otherwise. She had a feeling he wasn't looking at her state of dress so much as the black and white tattoo the size of two fists sitting directly over her heart, clearly visible beneath the transparent fabric.

Her mark of a Heartless.

She had never let him see it, Kairi reflected as she looked back at Axel's stunned gaze. It had been too personal, too humiliating. But it wasn't like he hadn't known. He had one too, a red and black one, peeking right out from beneath the gap of his shirt. Only the Heartless could travel through time as they had done, as Xehanort had so succinctly shown. It had been a miracle that they retained their former selves at all. If Kairi and Axel hadn't already been heartless before, Yen Sid would have never let them do it.

Her eyes dropped to his chest. Where his was a mark similar to the one the other heartless bore, a red X in the middle of a black heart, hers looked different. Hers was a white heart, with a pointed cross down the middle, ending with prongs near the base like an upside down crown.

She didn't know why it looked different — perhaps because she was a princesses of the heart. Or perhaps because she carried Namine with her somehow, even now. A nobody in a heartless.

As she stared up into Axel's face, she wondered if he was thinking similar thoughts to hers. Who was the person locked deep in his heart — the nobody, or the man?

"Axel?" She asked hesitantly, hugging herself. "…Lea?"

A cold breeze suddenly blew through the rocks, making Kairi shiver and lean sharply into the shield he provided from the wind. Axel seemed to jump slightly as her head bumped his arm, dropping the piece of sea weed he had somehow still held in his hand.

"Sorry," he muttered, squinting at the nearby crash of water on the crags. Without a word, he turned to pick his way across the rocks, and she trailed after him. By the time they reached the top of the hill again, the waves were coming more frequently and the basin was starting to fill.

She was rubbing her arms vigorously to warm them, cursing her unfortunate clumsiness, when a heavy coat was suddenly draped over her shoulders.

She peered up from beneath the rim of the hood to see Axel standing in dark clothes beside her, gaze locked not on the tide pool below but the line where sea met sky. The wind tugged at the dark spikes in his hair.

As she stared at his solitary profile, Kairi wondered suddenly what it must have been like for him. Having newly regained the self his nobody had so desperately craved to become, only to risk it all away again. To put his soul in the hands of former enemies, his heart in the hands of a stranger. And yet he hadn't hesitated for a moment. _His mind is already made up_, Yen Sid had said.

It had been a flying leap of faith for Kairi, a test in trusting the people who believed in her. Perhaps for Axel, who had no faith in anyone even himself, it had been nothing short of a terrifying free fall.

"How odd," Axel murmured, eyes fixed on the ocean waves. "I'm really craving some sea salt ice cream right now."

The coat was warm, smelling of grass and earth and something, for lack of a better word, masculine. She resisted the urge to bury her nose in it. "Then let's get some," she said. When he turned to her, eyebrow quirked as he took in her bedraggled appearance, she shrugged. "I'll dry up on the way. I would never turn down a chance at ice cream."

He frowned a bit, scratching at his head, then finally shrugged. "What the heck. Why not." He turned to go.

She made to follow then paused, looking down at the hem of the coat dragging already in the sand. "Your coat is getting dirty," she said somewhat reluctantly, already dreading handing it back to him.

He glanced at her, then shrugged. "It can't get any worse, considering the place's it's been." He continued on, sand crunching beneath his feet, and she gave one last longing glance at the sea before following him.

* * *

**NOW**

Kairi woke with a start, shivering.

She was in her bedroom, faint strips of moonlight from the open blinds cutting across her bed spread. She sat up slowly, sheets falling into her lap, and the cold air of the apartment made her exposed skin prickle. She was still wearing her clothes from yesterday; her shirt askew and terribly wrinkled, her skirt bunched up to her hips, her scratchy stockings catching on the sheets.

The alarm on her bed stand read three in the morning.

The apartment was quiet. She slipped out of bed and trundled into the living room. The room was dark, the TV a black screen, the blanket on the couch still folded in it's usual place. She was about to move into the kitchen when she noticed that the corner window of her living room was cracked, a slight breeze stirring the curtains. She padded over to the window and looked out, her breath forming condensation on the cold glass.

The old metal fire escape shared in her building zigzagged down the stucco exterior and ended several feet above a small back alley. City regulations required stair access from the inside of all apartments in case of emergencies but they had never been used and most people left them alone. She'd still seen the occasional teenager hanging out on the stairs when she walked home from work, so she usually kept this particular window locked tight.

It was easy to spot the red tip of a cigarette glowing like a firefly in the dark.

Kairi bit her lip, eying the open bars of the stairwell. Then she slid the window open completely and scooted out onto the sill.

Axel was leaning against the rail, cigarette perched in his mouth, when Kairi crawled out awkwardly onto the platform and stood. The wind immediately sliced through her thin clothes and the metal stairwell felt like ice on her stocking feet. But by then Axel was looking at her, eyebrow raised ever so slightly, and so she shuffled over to stand next to him, rubbing her arms.

"Hey," she said.

Axel pulled the cigarette from his mouth with two fingers and propped his chin in his palm. His green eyes reflected the cigarette light. "Hey."

Kairi looked around. "Didn't know you came out here."

He shrugged. "It's a nice view."

Kairi turned her gaze to the dark shadows of the apartments across the way. Between the gaps of the buildings, multicolored street lights winked under a yellow gibbous moon. Several tall famous skyscrapers glowed in the distance.

It _was_ a nice view. Funny how she'd never have known, having never looked out the window before.

They stood there in silence. It wasn't as awkward as she thought it would be. Axel had always seemed a creature of the night to her, right at home among the shadows and backlit stars. His eyes missed nothing. She felt…safe.

"You okay?" He ventured at last.

"Yeah." It was amazing how a little sleep could change one's perspective. Not that it wasn't still painful, but just felt...less now. And a weight in her chest was gone that she hadn't realized had been there in the first place. The wind tugged on her hair and she tried to tuck it behind her ears. "Yeah, I'm good. Sorry about last night."

"Don't be sorry." He stared straight ahead unseeing, his mouth curling into a sneer. "You're clearly not the one who should apologize."

"No," she conceded. "But I don't want or need apologies." She shook her head, feeling lighter. "Reno and I were just too different. Sometimes I wonder why I even dated him."

"Why did you?"

Kairi's shoulder hunched. She shot him a defensive look, but when he only looked at her curious, she realized there wasn't judgement in the question. She relaxed slightly and actually gave it some consideration. Why had she?

"I dunno," she said slowly, working through her thoughts. "We met at a weird time for me. I had just arrived at the city with my degree, first time living alone and away from my parents. I was..." she trailed off. Axel shifted beside her. "I was…probably lonely. And it was kinda nice to go on dates and have someone to talk to other than Selphie."

She thought about the first time she'd met Reno at the bar near her work. She'd been sitting with Selphie and he'd walked in with his work partner. She'd thought for a second it was Lea, until she realized how short he was. Warm and more than a little nostalgic from her second beer, she'd found herself curiously looking back at him several times, until his friend had nudged him and they'd locked eyes. He'd beelined straight for her.

Despite what she'd implied last night, Reno hadn't been like Axel or Lea. He'd lived his life fast and unrepentant, like he was hanging out of a helicopter about to crash and just enjoying the ride. He'd been outrageously flirty such that Selphie had constantly cringed around him but Kairi had found it funny, even flattering. And later, when they started to actually date and Reno would stay over at her place, there had been nothing fake about the way he'd looked at her, about the desire in his eyes. She'd felt seen.

Perhaps she had grown addicted to that feeling. He didn't know her past, her baggage. Perhaps that was where the clinginess that eventually drove him away had come from.

"He wasn't all bad," she added. "At least not initially. He could be nice."

Axel snorted. "They all start out nice. That's how they sink their claws into you." He pointed at himself, finger tapping his skull. "I would know."

Kairi frowned. Not this again. "You're not like him."

"No," Axel said, voice flat. "He's a stupid guy making stupid choices. There was a time I was much, much worse." He took another drag. "This isn't about me, though."

Not knowing what else to say, Kairi looked down.

Another puff of smoke. Then his eyes suddenly narrowed. "Is he the reason you always double lock your doors?"

Kairi shifted uneasily. She'd been hoping to avoid this part. "A couple months after we broke up, he started coming around again. Wanting to get back together." Her hands clenched on the rail. "I think he thought I'd change my mind."

"_Kairi_." Axel's expression was pained. "That isn't okay."

"I know." She took a deep breath. "I know. I won't put up with it anymore."

Axel pinched the bridge of his nose. "Damn him. I shouldn't have opened the door." He sounded angry. "Or at least, I should have kicked his ass first." He gave her an apologetic look. "I'm sorry if I forced you to talk to him."

"You didn't," she said firmly. "I could have still let him pretend I wasn't home, you know. Or let you send him to number fourteen. I'm the one who decided enough was enough." She thought about her exchange with Reno. She'd spoken more honestly and firmly to him last night then all the months after they'd separated. True, she hadn't wanted it to happen. But maybe it should have happened sooner, she realized.

When he opened his mouth, she shook her head. "How about we both agree to stop apologizing, yeah?" At his weak chuckle, she leaned in to look up at him, earnest. "Thank you, Axel. For always being there for me. I mean it."

His eyes flickered over hers as she determinedly held his stare, expression leaching slowly from his features until she couldn't tell what he was thinking. Then he looked away, his gloved hand covering his lower face as he brought the cigarette to his lips, shielded from her view. "Of course, Princess."

* * *

**THEN**

She found Axel hiding in the shelter of tall golden grass, the pages of his paperback book obscuring his face.

Kairi made her way over to him, pausing at his feet. A breeze whispered through the grasses, tugging rampant, flyaway hairs from behind her ears.

Axel looked asleep. His long legs were crossed at the ankle, his arms resting limp at his sides. She watched as the feathery grass stalks gently tickled the palm of his upturned hand. His fingers twitched, a murmur from under the book as it tilted away from her, then nothing but the gentle rise of his chest. Several sun damaged pages gently flicked against his cheek.

Kairi looked up at the blazing afternoon sun a moment, then crouched where she was beside him. The flat fields disappeared into an ocean of gold, pierced by the occasional green weed and peeks of the cornblue sky. Shielded from the wind, she could hear the creak of stalks rubbing together, smell the thick, loamy soil. She closed her eyes, listening to the gentle susurrus.

"Nice down here, isn't it?"

She looked over to him. His gloved hand lifted to the book, a single finger pushing the bottom of the spine up just enough that she could see the glimmer of green eyes from the shadows. He was smirking at her.

Kairi sniffed. "Pretending to nap?"

He hummed noncommittally. The book lowered again, his hands folding over his stomach in a parody of restfulness. "Why, trying to catch me unawares? Murder me in my sleep?"

Kairi snorted. The likes of her actually catching Axel unaware was preposterous. She tucked her knee under her chin. "Would it even work? You're like a cockroach."

The book wobbled a moment, a bark of laughter that made her jump. "Now you're getting it, girlie," he said humorously. "I have never been more pleased to be compared to vermin. Now if only some other fellas would take a hint and stop trying to do me in."

"Can you blame them?" she grumbled, picking flaky little leaves off a yellow stalk in front of her. "You're not a very nice person."

He was full on grinning now. "I am really starting to like you, Princess."

Her face heated unexpectedly. "Aren't you supposed to be fake-sleeping?"

He chuckled, sitting up and pulling the book off his face. "I wouldn't dare be so predictable." To her surprise, he didn't move to stand, just shifted to rest an elbow on a knee, book dangling from his hand. His thumb held a place in the book open and she spotted some colored highlights on the text. She wondered if he'd been actually reading, or if they were annotations from the previous owner.

Kairi examined the book cover. Four characters walked across a yellow paved road. A girl pointing to something out of the image, a funny looking scarecrow, a metal man with an axe, and an enormous lion. She had no idea how any of those could fit together in a story.

"What's it about?" she found herself asking.

"Hmm?"

She pointed. "Your book."

He looked down, then tapped the open book lightly on his chin, lips pursed. "A girl with a dog gets carried off by a tornado," he said after a moment. "Ends up in a magical world and goes on adventures."

"Really?" she said. At his raised eyebrow, she continued, "I didn't think you read stuff like that."

He winked at her. "To be fair, I was hoping for less skipping arm in arm and more trysts behind the wood shed." At her scandalized look, he grinned. "What kind of books do you expect to find in the bargain bin of a street stall? Fine literature?"

He was baiting her. "Well then why'd you keep it?"

He shrugged. "Dunno. It makes for a nice hat." She tried not to gape. "And there are some good lines here or there."

That was slightly better. "Well is it entertaining, at least?"

He eyed her. "I guess. The main heroine is supposed to be normal, but she's actually the strangest of the them all getting so involved with suspicious characters. In another book, it could have gone very poorly for her."

She nibbled on her thumbnail. She'd known several suspicious characters in her short life, case in point the one in front of her. But even Axel had a soft side, even if it was pretty much only for Roxas. "If you never take a chance, you never give people the opportunity to surprise you. Maybe she was just giving them theirs."

Axel blinked at her, expression odd. He opened his mouth, then shut it with a click, his eyes sliding away from her like water in oil. "Sure," he said easily. "In children's fairytales."

She frowned. "In real life too."

"Maybe for princesses." He stretched his arms above his head, giving a jaw cracking yawn. "The rest of us will have to settle with living our fantasies through fiction."

The clear disinterest in his face signaled the conversation was over. Time to beat a retreat. Kairi got to her feet. "I'm going to go train," she sighed. She turned away, moving to trudge back into the field.

* * *

**NOW**

They lapsed into silence, the sound of cars whizzing by on the streets below. The wind kicked up through the bars of the fire escape, tugging on her clothes again, and she shivered.

Axel glanced at her. "Cold?"

She nodded, turning away. "I'll go grab a jacket."

"Here."

She paused, turning back to see Axel zip down his Organization XIII cloak. Underneath he wore a simple long black t-shirt and dark sweats. She drifted back to him as he shrugged out of the coat sleeves while juggling his cigarette, then held the coat out to her.

She took it. The black leather was heavy and warm in her hands. "You don't need it?"

He leaned his elbows on the rail. One of his hands snapped and flames licked up his finger tips. "I run hot," he said with humor.

She nodded, then shrugged into the coat. It still dwarfed her completely, the sleeves hanging to her knees, the material pooling on the stairwell. Axel didn't seem to mind, though she did catch him looking at her thoughtfully as she fumbled with the zipper.

She paused, feeling awkward as it occurred to her what he was probably thinking. In the dark, her red hair might easily be mistaken for black. And with the organization XIII cloak on…"Uhh...do you want it back?"

He made a face. "I gave it to you, didn't I?" Her expression must have been skeptical cause he rolled his eyes and reached over to ruffle her hair. "Not that it bothers me either way, but you know that replica bodies don't exactly age, right?" he said.

She shook her head warily, unsure where he was going.

"You can ask Even. Scratch that, ask Ienzo. Ienzo's more annoying but less of a dick." Kairi rolled her eyes. Axel quirked a grin at her before continuing, "When he stops yammering about ion particles and philosophical nonsense, he'll tell you that replica's reflect the image of strong memories. For those with strong wills, like Roxas or Namine, their image of themselves are the strongest."

"So..."

"So Xion is Xion." The look in his eye was kind. "She still looks like a fifteen year old you. But you don't look like her anymore."

Kairi's ears burned. It was unfair how he seemed to know the under current of her thoughts before she could process it herself. She wished he was as stupid as he acted, it would be far more kind to her ego. But the words did their magic. Her shoulders relaxed and she dropped the coat sleeves across the rail bar and laid her cheek against them.

Replicas, Ienzo, Vexen. She hadn't thought about any of that in a long while.

"I didn't realize," she admitted. "It's been several years since I've seen Xion." She peered at him from under the hood. "Have you? Seen Xion and Roxas?"

Axel nodded, taking another drag. "We meet up occasionally when I'm passing through or when missions take them to world's near me." He smiled faintly. "Lot's of sea salt ice cream."

She smiled. "Sounds amazing. How are they?"

"They spend most of their time at the Land of Departure, training under Aqua to become masters." He glanced at her, seeing her wince. "I was surprised when they mentioned you dropped out."

Kairi picked at the sleeve of her coat. "That was almost four years ago."

He shrugged. "Felt like six months to me."

She started, gaze snapping to him. "I thought you said you didn't keep track."

"I said I was bad at it, not that I didn't keep track." The cigarette tip burned bright as he took another drag. "They're coming up on the end of their second year in their world, so I thought maybe it would have been around the same time for you." His mouth twisted down. "Apparently not."

Kairi felt a sinking pit in her stomach. Impossible. Had it really only been two years for them? She imagined Master Aqua and Ventus supervising students in the castle yard, time crawling at a snail's pace. Then about Aerith and Squall and Yuffie, even further world's away at Radiant Garden. Would time for them looked stopped to her? She stared at her hands, feeling numbness creep over her.

Axel was looking at her carefully. "I take it you haven't kept in regular touch."

Kairi shook her head slowly. "When I left it was…awkward. I needed time to think and I think they wanted to give me space. But I never thought…" she trailed off.

"What about Riku?"

She thought about the gummy phone at the bottom of the dresser in her drawer. She hadn't taken it out in weeks. She swallowed, feeling something sharp sting her heart. "We do. He comes home for long stretches. But recently his search takes him all over, like you. I…" She cleared her throat, voice small. "I haven't heard from him in awhile."

She was almost too preoccupied to see the question in Axel's eyes. "His search?" He frowned, hesitating. "You don't mean…"

Kairi felt a lump in her throat, the one that never seemed to go away when she tried to talk about this. Would probably never go away. "Yeah. For Sora."

They stared at each other. _Sora_. The name sat between them like a physical thing.

And then Axel finally asked the question she had been waiting for since the moment she had seen him standing in that dark street, flames flickering behind him and grinning like he had never left. Axel, who had never let her hide from the truth even if she didn't want to face it. "Why did you give up the keyblade, Kairi?"

Kairi trembled, feeling on the edge of a precipice.

If she let the silence hang, she could see that he would drop it. He was Axel, but he was also Lea. Lea who would respect what she wanted. They would go into the kitchen and make coffee and talk about normal things and then she'd leave for work at seven like usual.

She took a shaky breath, rubbing the heels of her palms into her eyes.

Kairi was sick of being a coward. But the thought of talking about why she had left, which meant inevitably talking about _Sora_, after all that had happened last night and all the revelations of this morning, tearing at old scars that had never fully healed in the first place...

Her voice came out small. "It's not that we can't talk about it. But I think..." her mouth trembled. "I'm at my limit tonight."

There was a shuffle, and then she felt Axel's hand on the crown of her head, warm and heavy. She felt her eyes immediately begin to sting and it made her burn with shame.

"Sorry." He sighed. "It's been a rough night. Let's go inside."

* * *

**THEN**

Axel's voice stopped her. "What do you think about when you're trying to summon it?"

Kairi paused. Axel was still sitting unmoving in the golden grass, book resting on his knee, though his eyes trained on her had a rare seriousness.

She stared at him warily. "What?"

"Your keyblade." He held up his hand, brow furrowed. After a moment, in a mirage like flicker of heat, Flame Liberator appeared in his hands. He whirled it, then opened his palm, and as it fell it quickly disappeared. He leaned forward on his knee, tapping his head. "I'm asking what you are thinking of when you try."

She had been prepared to blow him off, but his demonstration made her grudgingly face him. He had never been serious about sharing information with her before. She stared down at her own grass stained hand. "A weapon," she said quietly. "To protect my friends." Axel hummed, but his expression was skeptical. Her eyebrows narrowed. "Do you disagree?"

Axel shrugged. "No, at least not the first part. That is certainly what it is to me." An awkward pause, his eyes probing hers. It made her uncomfortable. "Is that what it is to you?"

She fell silent. It felt like a trick question. "I said it, didn't I?" Then, "I don't get why it matters."

He frowned. "The keyblade chooses the master. The keyblade chose you. Of course what you think matters." When she only gave him a guarded look, Axel sighed, rubbing his head.

"Kairi," he said with enough impatience that it took her a moment to realize he had called her by her name. "I'm not going to pretend like I know you well. But are you really doing all of this just for a weapon?" Then without anymore preamble, he lay back down and rolled over with his back to her, the book covering his face once more.

Kairi stared at his prone form for an embarrassingly long minute, then started to walk away. She got a few feet before her steps slowed, then stopped altogether. She turned her gaze back to her hand.

The heart, she remembered Merlin telling her, can not be tricked. It does not work through reasoning or logic, but feels what it feels. In a way, the keyblade too cannot be tricked, as it knows the heart. And the keyblade chooses it's master.

Kairi slowly clenched her fist, thinking about the question Axel was really asking.

What kind of keyblade would come to a heart like hers?

Kairi closed her eyes and thought, for the first time in a long while, about the keyblade inheritance ceremonies of the long past. She'd read the text in one of Merlin's old books and it had resonated with her ever since.

_In your hand, take this Key. So long as you have the makings, then through this simple act of taking, its wielder you shall one day be. And you will find me, friend—no ocean will contain you then. No more borders around, or below, or above, so long as you champion the ones you love._

She remembered thinking about the lovely image in those words. How in her own path as a keyblade wielder there would be countless doors that she needed to open to get to her friends. And how now, finally, she had the _key_.

This time, when Kairi called to her keyblade, the warm metal that materialized in her hand felt like coming home.

She gasped quietly, opening her eyes to the familiar green spirals of Destiny's Embrace. Her hand trembled.

"Axel," she said faintly. No response. Her head snapped up to find him still pretending to nap. She moved quickly towards him. "Axel!"

He grumbled loudly, flipping on to his back and moving to grab the book from his face. "What now? If it wasn't clear, I was trying to—"

He visibly jumped, book falling to the ground when she dropped to her knees next to him. He was in the middle of sitting up, eyes wide, when she thrust her keyblade in his face. "Axel!" She whispered, eyes wild with delight.

He looked cross-eyed at the keyblade, then back at her grinning face.

"Well damn," he said, rubbing the back of his head awkwardly. "I guess it starts for real now, huh?"


End file.
